I couldn't make this up if I tried

This morning I opened up my email inbox to find an email titled: "Invitation to Join MLB Bloggers." My first thought was, "Hey cool, a blogging group might be fun!" Then I read the email and laughed more than I thought humanly possible at 9am on a cold, snowy work day.

Dear blog author:

We recently came across your site, invinciblesummer13.blogspot.com, while searching for bloggers who blog about Major League Baseball.

That's really all you need to read. If you know me, you are already laughing. If you don't know me, please refer to the ONLY post I've ever written that has to do with baseball: a man in uniform.

Now, if you're not into sports as much as I clearly am, you may not realize that the picture I linked to in that post is not even a real baseball player! True story. It's actually David Duchovny in an episode of The X-Files (*sigh, baseball spooning*). And if you didn't know that, we can't be friends.

So, in conclusion, a note to Craig Cantin at MLB Bloggers:

I wish you all the luck with your blogging group and I am quite flattered by the (obviously) personally tailored invitation I received. However, it is with deep regret that I must decline your offer. I just don't see us as a very good match at this time, unless you want me to blog about hot guys who have worn baseball uniforms but aren't in fact baseball players. If that's the case, sign me up!

Otherwise, thank you in the very least for the good laugh.

Your friend in baseball (sort of),

Allison

Michael Scott and the Paper Factory

Oompa loompa doopidy dawsome
Tonight's episode of The Office was awesome
If you do not like this show
I cannot be your friend no mo.

(Also, you are not in on this joke. Sad for you.)

Stop, Hey What's That Sound?

I hope you enjoy the newest feature on my blog. It's no iPhone, but this ain't Apple.com either.

This 'Ship Should Sail.....Far Away.....Don't Ever Come Back.....Seriously.

Somehow (not really sure how) I just came across a shipper video on YouTube that focuses on the characters of Hermione Granger and Professor Snape from the Harry Potter books/films.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Ew! That is just gross and disturbing to think about. Also, it is illegal. Ick ick ick.

The worst part (yes, it gets worse) is that there are actually more of the same out there! Come on! How many people can there be that think a fictitious (let's also keep that in mind) 13 year old should have a relationship with a (also fictitious) disturbingly dark, spiteful old guy?! Apparently too many.

If you happen to be masochistic, here's a link to the video. And don't forget to check out the similar ones in the side bar. Yippee! I couldn't even watch the whole thing it creeped me out so much.

Let this be a lesson: Just because you know how to use iMovie, doesn't mean you should.

The smartest thing a man has said about women since.......ever.

"Females are generally not encouraged by society to be super-smart, at least, not overtly. And ESPECIALLY not in the techie/geeky super-smart way.

So as a result, by the time these super-smart young girl geeks have grown up to be women, society will have managed to inject them with all sorts of serious self-esteem issues. Which rarely comes in handy in the mate-choosing department."

Ingenious theory written by hugh macleod on his blog.

The low self-esteem part of me wants to put some sort of disclaimer here that by posting this on my blog I am not implying that I'm one of those super-smart girls. But fuck it, you're damn right I am! And I will now constantly fall back on that explanation for why I can't get a date. You other super-smart women out there, feel free to do so as well.

No no, don't thank me. Thank hugh.

A Giant Step Backward for Woman-Kind

And her name is Ms. Dewey.

She is the new interactive search engine from Microsoft that is part of their new Windows Live online service that is trying to compete with Google. She looks like Jessica Alba and acts like Dwight Schrute. So basically she is hot and FUCKING ANNOYING!

When you type something into her search box (I'm brewing a really dirty joke about this right now), she makes comments about the thing you're searching about. Honestly, it is pretty interesting and amazing. For like 5 minutes. Then you start to wonder what else this sleek interface is supposed to do. When you stop searching for stuff she starts to get impatient and will either tap on your monitor screen or start acting like a whore trying to entice you into using her (once again, another dirty joke in the making).

She's the hot librarian you'll never, ever have. And if you did get her, you'd only like her for a day because eventually you'd realize how annoying she is.

The only step-forward this program is making is in its technology. The searching is basically the same, but the interface has got bells, whistles and a bitchy chick with a low cut top. Thank you again computer nerds for:

1) making all your dreams come true, and

2) giving Ms. Dewey the feature that men wish every woman came with and one that I'm just happy this one specifically comes with: a Mute button.

Something Old, Something New

Two wonderful things I just had to share.

1. The hilarious new t-shirt I got from Kelly for Christmas:

2. I have achieved one of my goals for the year just in the nick of time. I can finally fit back into my senior year May Days dress!! It took a little more effort to get the zipper up than before, but it got there. Now I just need somewhere to wear it.

Hello, Dolly

The FDA recently made the decision that food products which come from cloned animals do not need special labels at the supermarket. They say there is no difference at all between the original cow/sheep/pig than its clone, and there are no health risks associated with eating these animals. You can read the whole CNN article here.

I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this. My first reaction is to be creeped out. It has been over 10 years since Dolly the sheep showed up in the news, and that is a lot of time for cloning technologies to evolve and become more widespread. However, to me it still sounds like
something from a sci-fi movie, and a horrible made-for-tv one by the Sci-Fi channel at that. I don't understand the science behind it and therefore I fear it and its possibilities.

I also wonder about the safety of eating so much food that comes from a science lab. And I'm not just talking clones here. Almost all of our meats are genetically altered in some way - to make the cows produce more milk, pigs be meatier and chickens create more and larger eggs. None of this food is labeled either. Your bacon does not have a warning on it that says - "From a genetically enhanced pig." and your milk doesn't say "Now with more bovine growth hormones!". So I guess if that is the standard they've set, why would they start with labeling cloned food?

Cloned. Food. Just let that sink in. If the idea of eating an exact genetic copy of another animal made by scientists in a test tube does not creep you out even a little bit and make you seriously consider being a vegetarian, then you should just sign up for Fear Factor right now, because you would win.

I have never tried to be a vegetarian before. I know those little piggies and moo moos are cute, and I have heard the many horror stories about how they are raised, but I have decided that 1) I am not selfish about much in my life, so I can have a clear conscious about being selfish about my place on the food chain (and anyone with a problem with it can choke on a big fat carrot stick); and 2) those animals are mighty tasty! Mmmm boy!

I am, however, getting increasingly concerned about the safety of many foods (even fruits and vegetables with all their pesticidal goodness), and see that even being a vegetarian may not even be the way to solve this problem. The only hope is that someday soon my financial situation will allow me to buy all organics, and that eventually they will be affordable for everyone.

Until then I guess it's going to be:

Hello, Dolly
Well hello, Dolly
It's so nice to have you back where you belong
You're lookin' swell, Dolly
We can tell, Dolly
You're still glowin', you'rs still crowin'
You're still goin' strong.


Picture of Dolly taken from Wikipedia, click on the image to see full credits.

U2 Makes the Ultimate Fanvid

Is it just a coincidence that YouTube and U2 are almost the same name?! Go wrap your brain around that over Christmas break conspiracy freaks.

Everyone else, enjoy this video:

"Window in the Skies"



*Addendum: Just thought I should let you know that I found this video (coincidentally) through a Guster post on MySpace. Thought they should get some credit.

I'm Special! (said in my best Ralph Wiggum voice)

I recently reached into the pocket of a coat I don't wear very often and found this old ticket stub from a concert held during my junior year of college.

It's funny, I don't remember being the Special Guest that night. Although, Guster and I were pretty tight back then and I am special. So I guess it's possible.

Word Around the Water Cooler

For once the word is around my own office, not Dunder Mifflin's. I know I've said I won't be stupid and blog about work, but this is just too good not to share (and it's not harmful or mean to anyone). Really, it's just funny and amusing.

About a month ago, all the department heads were called to a meeting by our Chief of Staff. After the meeting was over, there was that buzz that happens when one group gets some new information and must spread it to anyone they come into contact with, right. now. Sometimes that energy can be positive, like "yay Christmas bonus!" and sometimes the energy feels more like "no Christmas for you!" Around here, that day was like Christmas had been canceled (you knew I couldn't go the whole post without referencing it at least once).

However, since the Chief of Staff doesn't have the authority to cancel Christmas, the news (I later heard from my boss) was that they are bringing in "staffing consultants" to assess the office and see who is necessary and who is not. Or as my boss put it "They are bringing in the Bobs".

Ummmmm, yeaaaaa. I think I better get working on all those backed up TPS reports I have to put covers on.

Or maybe, I'll just do this:

Lyrics for My Life

Just for the record
The weather today
is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of:

A. Indifference or

B. Disinterest in what the critics say.

Is Xenu for You? Find Out With a Free Stress Test!

Thanks to Tom Cruise, almost everyone not living under a rock has heard of the Church of Scientology. I've heard it ridiculed, I've seen the "Free Stress Test" people, and I know a small amount about it (basically that it is based around the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard - a former sci-fi author, there are some strange ideas and practices surrounding it, they don't condone psychological practices, and celebrities like to hop on the Scientology-wagon and then jump on couches).

Really, it all seems a little crazy and cult-like. However, before I totally made up my mind about the group, I decided I had to at least become more informed about what they are really all about. That's when I realized that it is almost impossible to find something written on Scientology that is impartial. There are either sites sponsored by the Church of Scientology that are obviously not going to bring up any problems with the religion, and there are sites extremely opposed to the religion and only talk about the negatives.

The site that comes closest to impartiality is definitely Wikipedia. Whoever wrote the article, at least brought up the church's denial of their stranger practices. But just for the sake of showing you something really interesting, here is a segment from the Wikipedia article that talks about advanced teachings that have supposedly leaked out of the church (although the church claims they have been taken out of context and distorted by the media and dissenters in order to make the group look bad). However, I'm not aware of a way that this could ever be in context and not still sound crazy:

"Xenu (sometimes Xemu) is introduced as an alien ruler of the "Galactic Confederacy" who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living."

Say what?!

I'm not exactly a true-believer of everything in the Bible either, but Xenu and Friends goes FAR beyond the realms of belief suspension I can accomplish. If I have trouble believing that two of every animal on the earth sat on a giant boat for 40 days and didn't tear each other apart, the step in Scientology where I have to accept the teachings of the Galactic Confederacy might be a little tough for me too.

My other strike against Scientology is that the list of celebrities who have left the church includes one Charles Manson. You've got to be a little weary of a religion that is even too much for that guy to handle.

I still recommend you research it on your own though, and come to your own conclusions. You never know, maybe Xenu is for you.

I'm the F to the U, R, K the E, Y

It's that time of year again!

No, I'm not talking about the crap with the big fat man and the mistletoe, although it is obviously that time too. What I'm talking about is list time. This is when EVERYONE and their mother comes out with a list of "The Best __________ of 2006!" Comedy Central already had their Last Laugh, MTV's probably gearing up for their TRL special of "The Top 50 Videos of 2006 You Would Have Seen on MTV if We Ever Played Videos" and I'm sure E! will be having a craptacular blow-out of "The Top 100 List of List Shows We Filled Our Dead Air With in 2006 Because We Can't Create Any Quality Programming Other than The Soup!!!" (note the extra punctuation to show just how excited they are about their jobs).

Joking aside, we all know that I love lists. So, apart from having to bear the ones that make me want to stick sharp objects in my eye (thank you E!), I am a fan of this time of year in all its listy-ness.

Today's list is brought to us by Rolling Stone (they like lists too, but not as much as those people at Billboard). It is "The 100 Best Songs of 2006" list. And I am sad to say that I must have sucked at life when it came to finding good music this year, because I missed a lot of these. I guess its time to catch up!

I also don't buy some of these tracks as being the best the music world had to offer this year. You can read more of my opinions below about some of the selections, but I just have to say -


Some observations I have after perusing the list are:

1. Is "Ridin" really the #3 best song of the whole entire 365 days of 2006? It must have been a slow year in music.

2. The song that I claimed as mine earlier in the year, The Dixie Chicks' "The Long Way Around" is in the top 20 yall! Holla!
Oh, god. I did not just say holla. Kill me.

3. "When the Sun Goes Down" by The Arctic Monkeys was a killer song that I listened to a lot this year. Yay for Monkeys!

4. If there's no possible way to avoid it entirely, the only way I can handle listening to the song "Promiscuous" is to stick sharp objects in my ears and then just dance to the bassline. Definitely not in my top 100.

5. On snap! "London (Fucking) Bridge"!! Are you kidding me?!?!!! (extra punctuation to show how much that song should NOT be on this list). I could handle "Fergalicious", maybe. But probably only because its easy to make into Furkalicious and my friends like to sing it to me at the bar.

6. Anyone who likes pop-punk/emo music and hasn't heard the whole Panic! at the Disco album, go get it right now. It's like a storming infectious-beat soap opera from beginning to end. I'm happy to see my favorite track "The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage" at #84.


Lastly, where is "Cable Car", "Crooked Teeth", "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree"? And what about stuff from Weezer? They were all over the radio this year.

Just my 2 cents.

I'm sure they missed some of your favorites too.

Big Ideas

If you're interested in marketing, viral messages, or just some random bits of information, then you should definitely check out this blog I found recently called Gaping Void. It's written by a guy named Hugh from the UK who does marketing for a South African Vineyard and also creates interesting drawings on the backs of business cards. Many have to do with working in the advertising/marketing/creative world, but there is something there for everyone. Check out his gallery.

I'm particularly fond of this new one:


Think I'll have it put on the back of my business cards.

I have also added the Gaping Void widget to my sidebar, so you can check out a bunch of them.

Which one would be yours?

Strange Phenomenon

Can anyone tell me why I had a huge influx of traffic on my blog yesterday? There were people coming in from all over the place and I'm wondering how they were getting here. Maybe you're one of those people and you came back. If so, how did you find me?

I'm interested in knowing what I might have done so maybe I can do it again. =)

Look What My Boss is Getting for Christmas!

Click on the picture to buy your boss one.

I did warn you about my Office obsession, yes?

My boss loves the show too and I'm sure he'll display this proudly on his desk.

I Think I'm Getting Addicted

If you haven't noticed, The Office is quickly becoming my favorite show, and while I start catching up on the episodes I've missed there may be a high concentration of Office themed posts.

This one is just a picture. The funniest picture I've seen in a while. Have I mentioned my love for Steve Carell? Maybe that will be the topic of my next post. For now, here is the picture (and just imagine your boss at work giving an anti-drug presentation named this):

THE OFFICE:
Better
than
drugs.

I Swear if I Had Work to Do Right Now I Would Be Doing It

Things I want to do before I die.
1. Go back to Australia
2. Live in a foreign country
3. Be in love
4. Get certified in scuba and dive all over the world
5. Change someone's life

Things I can do.
1. Dance/choreograph
2. Sing the words to almost every song
3. Take fairly decent pictures
4. Survive on my own
5. Talk intelligently and convincingly about almost every subject (even if I really have no idea what I'm talking about.)

Things I cannot do.
1. Wear a bikini
2. Make that popping noise that Donkey makes in Shrek 2 (just ask Kelly, it's not pretty)
3. Eat mushrooms
4. Flirt
5. Talk intelligently and convincingly about politics.

Things that attract me to the opposite sex.
1. Eyes - especially blue or green
2. Sense of humor - especially sarcasm
3. Scruffy hair
4. Cute dorkiness
5. Manners (I know that sounds old-fashioned, but who doesn't melt when a guy opens a door for you?)

Celebrity crushes.
1. David Duchovny (obviously)
2. John Krasinski (who, btw, is from Newton and I would die if I saw him out at a bar in Boston)
3. Zach Braff
4. Gavin DeGraw
5. Jimmy Fallon

(Think this list upholds what I said in the previous list?)

People I want to do this next.
1. Even if I say it, no one will do it anyway.

Link Update

I just updated the link to the free TV site below. I think between the day I did my post and yesterday, they moved the site. So it should be working now.

Here it is again if you don't want to look for it in the post: http://allfg.alluc.org/cms/cms/