The Most Hate-Filled, Disrespectful, Ignorant Thing I Have Heard in a Long Time

Below is the rotten shit that poured forth from former Miami Heat point guard Tim Hardaway's mouth during a recent radio show interview. The hosts were discussing the coming-out of former NBA player John Amaechi and the release of his autobiography.

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people," Hardaway said while a guest on Sports Talk 790 The Ticket in Miami. "I'm homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

The host asked Hardaway how he would interact with a gay teammate.

"First of all, I wouldn't want him on my team. And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that is right. I don't think he should be in the locker room while we are in the locker room."

If he did find out that a teammate was gay, Hardaway said he would ask for the player to be removed from the team.

"Something has to give," Hardaway said. "If you have 12 other ballplayers in your locker room that's upset and can't concentrate and always worried about him in the locker room or on the court or whatever, it's going to be hard for your teammates to win and accept him as a teammate." SI.com

And here is his "apology" regarding the incident:

"Yes, I regret it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said I hate gay people or anything like that," he said. "That was my mistake."

The NBA also issued a statement where they duly noted the "disparity between his views and ours."

Way to really put your foot down and take a strong stance on the issue NBA. You don't necessarily condone homophobia, but hell, you're not about to condemn it either! You wouldn't want to alienate your target audience now would you?

Well NBA, here's an exercise for you: read the same quote and every time you see the words "gay" or "homophobic" replace them with "black" and "racist". I'll give you a minute......

Sounds like we're back in the 40s or 50s doesn't it? Can you imagine the public outrage and strong dissenting statement the NBA would have issued if THAT were to come out of someones mouth on a radio show interview today? And rightly so. It is offensive and racist. Well, so is the real version.

It is a disconcerting and horrifying reminder of the lengths this country still needs to go in the "all men created equal" department. You would think that 231 years would be enough to get it right, but we are obviously so far off from that it is ridiculous.

So, in this month to celebrate black history and the strides society has taken in the fight for equal rights, let's not forget how far we still need to go, for the sake of all people.

paracelsus or a three-toed sloth?

At times I almost dream
I too have spent a life the sages' way,
And tread once more familiar paths. Perchance
I perished in an arrogant self-reliance
Ages ago; and in that act a prayer
For one more chance went up so earnest, so
Instinct with better light let in by death,
That life was blotted out -- not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it remain,
Dim memories, as now, when once more seems
The goal in sight again.

-"Paracelsus," Robert Browning


during my freshman year of high school my english teacher was really into poetry and for one of our first assignments he made us read elizabeth barrett browning's "sonnets from the portuguese." while it seemed a daunting reading task for a 14-year-old who had yet to experience many of the emotions being expressed within the passages, i quickly took to the sonnets as well as the rest of the collection of poems within browning's book. the book i had bought i found at a used bookstore, and it also included other poems of both elizabeth and her husband robert browning. since then, i have had an affinity for this collection with its old binding and yellowed pages, and even after we had finished studying the sonnets in class i continued to read from the book every night before bed, trying to decipher the meanings of the poems (yes, i really am that big of a dork.).

one of robert's poems that i took a liking to is called "paracelsus" (1835) and is a long dramatic poem that i mostly did not understand at the time and still probably do not grasp entirely. it is written by browning to be a narrative from the famous 16th century chemist paracelsus, and focuses more on the mysticism surrounding his study of the natural world and his search for "sacred knowledge" than on strict facts of science. in paracelsus' day, science and alchemy were its own forms of magic that most people only understood as mystical practices anyway. the passage from "paracelsus" that i have quoted at the beginning of this entry deals with the idea of reincarnation or rebirth, and was the catalyst for my thoughts today.

back during the same time freshman year, an episode of the x-files aired called "the field where i died." (i know you're "surprised" that this has come around to me talking about my favorite show of all time, but try to stick with me here anyway.) this episode deals with the idea of past lives and reincarnation as a possible explanation for dissociative identity disorder (multiple personalities) and the strong bonds people can feel with others whom they've barely just met: "souls come back together; different but always together, again and again to learn...evil returns as evil, but love, souls mate eternal" (mulder). while i knew that this was the hollywood romanticized version of some aspects of eastern religious beliefs, i couldn't help but be taken by it. something about the whole idea really captured my attention and made me think about rebirth and being able to hold on to things you had learned in another time, so as to hopefully not repeat the same mistakes.

in both the beginning and the end of the episode, there is a voiceover of mulder reciting what sounds like part of a poem. immediately following the episode, there was rumor that it had actually been written by david duchovny himself (not entirely a stretch for someone with a degree from princeton in english literature). however, to me it seemed familiar, and as i have never been one to just let something like that be, i did a search for the passage on the internet. i discovered that the poem was not only not written by duchovny, but that it was, in fact, the aforementioned passage from browning's "paracelsus" that i had so recently been reading.

well, since i was obsessed with all things x-files related, you can imagine that i was more than a little excited with this coincidence, and it fueled my interest in the episode's ideas even more. i think i can even remember writing something about it down in my diary, which is a pretty big deal since i wrote in there probably once a year, at most.

of course, high school happens, and with my busy schedule i didn't exactly stick with the pursuit of these ideas, nor would i have ever brought it up in conversation with my family or friends (i was enough of a dork already, philosophizing about reincarnation at the lunch table probably wouldn't have helped). however, i still continued to read the poetry of both brownings, and the book was even among one of the only ones i packed with me to bring to college my freshman year and every year after. even today, in the closet-sized bedroom of my apartment that can only fit the smallest bookshelf imaginable, in between the new media monopoly and mcluhan sits the old, navy-blue, clothbound book of "best known poems."

it has been a while since i thumbed through the book, but i never really forgot browning or the idea of reincarnation that sparked my interest; i just never actively researched the true nature of those beliefs. that is, until about two months ago when i began to study the ideas of buddhism in order to find another way to be spiritual besides the, so far, personally unfulfilling christianity of my upbringing. although, surprising, even once I started my research and came upon the buddhist beliefs about rebirth, i failed to remember and connect the ideas to my prior experience with both browning's poem and the x-files episode (yes, i forgot an x-files episode. i know, it's craziness.).

so today I came home from basically my last college course ever (!!!), sat down to watch tv and happened upon a rerun of that same thought-provoking episode. like before, i was fascinated with the ideas presented and recognized its, once again, timely appearance into my life. i know that to most of you it seems like i am reading far too much into these coincidences and that i am seeing what i want to see. but i have come to realize, maybe through my own life experiences and a little through my recent studies on buddhism, that more things in our life are connected than we realize and give credit to. if priests and nuns can get "callings" to study the word of god, can i not also see signs to point me towards the study of my own spiritual path?

maybe not. i don't know. maybe it doesn't have as much to do with the signs actually being there as me thinking that they might be. and maybe rebirth is a bunch of crap, but i don't see how faith in it is that much different than believing there is a beautiful place beyond life on earth. i also do not believe that i will possibly come back as a three-toed sloth in my next life (an idea buddhism does not teach either). i think that i just like something about the idea that parts of the energy and significant experiences that make us ourselves are not lost when we die, but come back to keep improving and learning until we are able to reach a state of perfect knowledge. in the end, to me, the implications of such a belief are the same as what i would consider to be the best message of christianity - lead a noble, balanced, moral life and you will be rewarded.

confucius say: amen.


At times I almost dream
I too have spent a life the sages' way,
And tread once more familiar paths. Perchance
I perished in an arrogant self-reliance
Ages ago; and in that act a prayer
For one more chance went up so earnest, so
Instinct with better light let in by death,
That life was blotted out -- not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it remain,
Dim memories, as now, when once more seems
The goal in sight again.

all these places feel like home

i know i said i was going to post pictures of the halloween party and i am, just not right now. sorry.

instead i'm going to talk about my trip to elmira (my alma mater) this past weekend. i went to visit one of my best friends, caryn (i don't know if you read this, but hi anyway), who is in her senior year. plus all the other crazy-ass-dancer-hos that i love and miss. it wasn't a super exciting visit as far as events go, but it was a great weekend with movies, dancing, chilling and even a lunch date with sara. =) excitement is over-rated anyway. i've found that some of the best days are those in which nothing important happens. they give you time to actually stop and realize how lucky you are.

something else i realized while at e.c. this time was that it isn't weird going back there anymore. all the previous times i've visited have resulted in many surreal moments that happen when i'm walking old paths toward my former apartment or the dance studio and i get the feeling as if i haven't left yet, that i still live there. it is a brief second of hallucinatory time travel in a brain that after four years is accustomed to seeing everything as a student, not a visitor. and in all the times i visited before this, i wished these were not just brief moments, but that i were back there. i wanted all my friends still in one place, i wanted the certainty of myself in the world of purple and gold, and most of all, i wanted the comfort of a place that feels like home.

it's not that i don't want some of those things still. (believe me, if i could build a complex that would house all of my favorite people from elmira college and beyond in one place, i would.) but this visit, while it made me miss the people i love and remember the times we had, didn't make me want to be back. instead, there was a peace in being there that i haven't felt before. i was comfortable with being a visitor, and when i left i didn't feel like i was leaving part of my heart behind (as it did so many other times since graduation day). i now realize that things won't ever be the same as they were while i was there, but that i can still enjoy just being where i was always so comfortable, so me. and although it may not be the place i live anymore, it will always be home.

be. it. ever. so.


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procrastinating

i ran out of things to do to avoid my theory paper. so i thought, 'hey, why not make a blog!' and here i am.

first i guess i should explain the name of the blog. it obviously comes from the quote by albert camus that i wrote in the description, but as for what meaning it has in my life i will explain.

like a lot of people, i have found that winter is a hard time for me. winters in boston are incredibly cold, windy and the worst part, gray. as my idol lewis black aptly put it: "you wake up and it's the grayest day you've ever seen. and then next day it's even grayer!" i love lew.

but anyway, the gray days and the long nights = the blahs for me and i become a useless, listless, sad case, eating cookies and wallowing in coldplay, counting crows and radiohead. and while a day here and there of depressing music and introspection is not a bad thing, a few months is not so good. don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that i get super depressed to the point where i close myself off from the world and don't want to live, i just get in a rut and i don't like it.

so as winter dragged to a close last year and spring finally seemed on its way, i realized what i had been doing to myself all winter. and now that i know what can happen i am determined to enter this winter fighting the blahs and reminding myself that i am responsible for the way i feel. no weather, no person, no music should be able to control my life so easily because overall things are good, i am lucky and to top it off, i now have the memory of 3 months L.A. sunshine to get me through.

so this will be a place where i can complain and share the shit if i want to and then be able to let it go. it will also be a place i can write and remember the good things in my life - the everyday random shit that makes my day, things my friends do for me and the great experiences i have. the things that always bring warmth and light into my life.

let it snow. let it snow. let it snow.