a man in uniform

in honor of the opening day of baseball, i've posting a link to my favorite player ("not a bad piece of ash, huh? the bat. talking about the bat").

one thing (of many) my mom taught me was that there's just something about a man in uniform.

play b**l!!
(oh, crap. the fcc caught up with me.)

the fcc can derelicte my BALLS

comedy central just bleeped out the word "balls" from Zoolander, but in the past week i've been the unwilling witness to the slow-motion loogie hawk from "Flavor of Love" about a zillion times on every entertainment clip show. and don't even get me started on the 50 ads i just had to sit through for girls and guys gone wild (a topic that needs a post all its own). i think we have bigger problems here than hearing about someone's cohones.

bottom line: i am confused by the fcc.






bottom, bottom line: there's more to life than being really really really good looking.

what the dooce?!

i admit it, i am a daily blog reader. besides the few friend blogs i read (shameless plug here for becky, sara and steph), , i also read industry blogs (like this one for movie marketing), celebrity blogs (hello zach braff) and blogs of people i do not know at all. however, the blog that actually started it all, and the one i check almost every day is dooce. you can see that i first talk about this blog here (are you getting sick of the links yet?).

for most of you who won't follow that link and see what i already wrote about dooce, basically it is written by a woman named heather from utah who is a suburban-living stay at home mom (SAHM) or, as she says, a slutty ass ho motherfucker. just from that you can tell she's a housemom with an edge, and that's the reason why even as a young, non-married, non-mother i have still managed to get sucked into her life. it also helps that her husband is geeky-cute, her daughter is precious and her dog is adorable. but that's where the sweetness ends. the rest of the blog is real life. it's about being depressed, or constipated, it's about disappointing parents with your religious and political affiliations, and it's sometimes about being sick of your family and even your own kid. what it almost always is, is funny. it's the humor found in everyday life and crises that keeps me coming back and what, most likely, has made dooce an extremely popular and profitable blog.

i find myself looking up to this woman and thinking i'd kinda want to be her someday. she might be considered a strange role-model to have because she did get fired for writing inappropriate stuff about co-workers on her blog. but since you need to have a job to be fired from one, i think i'll be okay. plus, i'm not much for writing insulting remarks about people; i much rather bitch to a live audience (it's more interactive and there's no paper trail). anyway, what does make me admire her is that she has made her mistakes and not only learned but profited from them. she is a full time blogger who is able to support her family by writing about and taking pictures of her everyday life. that is amazing.

i've always said i want to do freelance work from home once i have kids (i don't imagine my income will come from blogging), but some people look down on this and think that it means giving up a part of your life and who you are, and rolling back years of women's lib. work. however, what i think the best thing that women's lib. has given us is the right to choose what's best for us. if that means climbing the corporate ladder for some, great. if it also means i get to someday work in my pajamas, watch sesame street and smell like peanut butter and jelly every day, that's perfect too, because i know there are people like heather out there who have proven that you can be a stay at home mom (or a slutty ass ho motherfucker), and still be funny, sarcastic, potty-mouthed, a kick-ass graphic designer, and lead an interesting, crazy, fun, fulfilling life.

and speaking of crazy, check out her latest post . HIlarious. behold, the power of photoshop to corrupt even the most innocent of things. =)

why i love heather gould

because she IMs me things that make me cry, like what i got today:

Heather0735: This is for you, I cut the original out of the paper on the day it was printed 5.29.04
Heather0735: I've been meaning to send it to you ever since
Heather0735: but I suck
Heather0735: so here it is


Heather0735: hugs and love to you always!

hugs and love to you too, and all my north stars.

*

it's a beautiful day

today i would like to mark an accomplishment for myself. spring is just around the corner and i am proud to announce that i made it through winter with hardly ANY problems (if you are unsure about what problems i'm referencing and why this is a big deal you should see my first post on this blog). i think this is an even bigger deal because i did it while being mainly unemployed and practically confined to my apartment AND i went to the gym. what's up now bitches?! haha.

i don't think weather-wise this winter was as bad as last year's in the fact that it didn't snow that much and it wasn't quite as bitter cold. however, it was still fucking gray and that is usually what does me in. not anymore. everything is mind over matter and what i've realized is that some situations can become better just by looking at them differently. and although she doesn't realize it, one of those attitude changes came about after a visit with my friend jess. she put something into perspective for me that helped me to get over the emotional roadblock i was stuck at regarding a part of my life and the people in it. i am grateful to her and to everyone else whose caring actions or words have inadvertently made me step back, take a look around and remember how lucky i am.

the sun is shining today and the temperature is getting warmer and the change of seasons has me so excited for all the things happening in the upcoming months. some things i am looking forward to that will most likely end up on this blog in some form or another are:

Coldplay concert
Wicked
Becky's wedding shower
Alicia's wedding shower
EC graduation
Becky's wedding
Imagine Tap (Kelly's tap show in Chicago)
Alicia's wedding

Also in the works, a new job, a new apartment and trips to Portland to see various peeps.

I may not be in L.A. this summer or out looking for America, but things will be great nonetheless.

lent update #2: minimize me

the other day i watched the anti-mcdonalds, pro-health documentary Supersize Me. i had added it to my netflicks list far before i decided to give up junk food for lent, but it couldn't have come at a more appropriate time. it's not that i really eat mcdonald's or any similar fast food that much. however, watching the film has definitely reinforced the idea that i should NEVER be eating mcdonalds, and that processed foods in general are unhealthy. it has me thinking that the extra expense to shop for food at whole foods markets may be worth it. kelly bought some stuff from there recently and when i looked at the ingredients on the cereal i could read and spell everything. no artificial flavors, preservatives or multi-syllabic chemical additives to be found. there is no contesting the idea that this must be better for us to eat.

it is the 19th day of lent and i have not eaten junk food. i have twice turned down "taco bell sunday" (erin's favorite day), ordered steamed chicken and broccoli and white rice for chinese and refused kelly's offers of fruitsnacks. i constantly drink water and have tried to up my exercise regimen, which can be the most difficult for me. unfortunately, i have not lost any weight. none. i have also not gained any, which i suppose is good, but i hope that my body has just been readjusting and i will soon see the results in the drop of the needle. if anything, i can say for sure that i FEEL better, and that, of course, is the most important thing and what will hopefully keep me going.


p.s. if you rent Super Size Me you have to watch one of the bonus features called "The Smoking Fry", you will never want to put McDonald's french fries in your body again.

hey baby, what's your sign?

for shits and giggles i went to www.astrology.com to look up my horoscope for the day, week, year, whatever, and i ended up getting an astrology reading. of course you only get a partial reading for free, but there was enough there to surprise me about how accurate some if it was. very interesting. however, that being said, why am i going to pay $19.99 to get told stuff i already know about myself? hmmm. well, anyway. here is part of my reading. i think it pegged me pretty well. what do you think?


The Inner You: Your Real Motivation
Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, you are not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not know until you "sniff them out". You are very, very instinctive and intuitive. You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper than words.

Lent update #1

it has been 6 days since i gave up junk food and i am happy to report that i am succeeding so far. i don't think i've even looked twice at the bucket (yes, bucket) of lindt truffles in the kitchen since friday. well, not twice in a row anyway. i realize that i do have this compulsion to reach for the junk and i find myself looking at it to eat, but now instead of just grabbing it without thinking, i glance at it once, the thought runs through my mind, but i stay away. i am an extremely determined person when it comes to setting my mind to accomplish something that i want, however, thus far that determination has never successfully been tapped into when it comes to food. there has always been too much temptation and not enough motivation. i want to hope that this new self-control i am experiencing through this goal i have set for myself will lead to a lifetime of better eating habits, not just 90 days. when i used to go to weight watchers, the people who were most successful always talked about how they had to see their "diet" as a life-long change and not just a period of time when they would stop eating bad foods. only then did things click into place for them and they were able to lead healthier lives, indefinitely. i want to believe that i am working towards making that change. i hope i am. i really do.

selective memory

last night i forgot how old i was. no, not in an "i did something really immature" kind of forgetting, i actually forgot. how. old. i. was. (the excessive punctuation is for emphasis of how. stupid. i. am.). someone on TV said how old they were or something about age and i could not remember whether i am 23 or 24. and since no one was around to ask, i literally had to think to myself "ok, i turned 21 during junior year, so i was 22 senior year, 23 last year, so now i'm 24." it seems like forgetting your age is something older people do, or like to do, but forgetting it in your 20s kind of scares me. well, not really. it's just the strangest feeling ever.

i guess all these years feel kind of the same. there's no more exciting birthdays like sweet 16, cigarettes and porn 18 and drunken 21. and if the next "milestone" birthday is 30, bring on the amnesia! cause you can shove that birthday right up your ass. have i mentioned i'm going to New Orleans for that one? nothing says "i'm not 30!" like drinking cheap beer from a plastic cup on the street. at the very least, by 9pm i won't even remember my name, never mind my age.

fat tuesday

more like fat everyday. ok, i know. "don't be so hard on yourself." blah blah blah. yea, it's time i started being harder on myself. i am definitely 20 lbs heavier than i was when i graduated college and 40 lbs heavier than i want to be. "if you lose 40 pounds you won't even be there anymore!" oh trust me, i will be. i'll probably still even wear a double digit dress size. no kidding. so, in honor of the season of lent, i am giving up ALL junk food. i'm not even catholic. but i did it during my senior year of high school and succeeded, so i sure as hell should be able to do it now that i am a much more mature version of myself. that is why, in mature adult fashion, i am posting it on my blog so that the possible embarrassment of failing this endeavor publicly will keep me away from the junk.

when i told erin, my roommate, of my plan, she wanted me to define what i meant by "junkfood", since everyone probably has a different definition. hers only includes candy and chips, that skinny bitch. (loooove you.)
however, mine will be a bit more strict and also includes:
- any snacky food with no nutritional value - cheez its, fruit snacks, granola bars with gooey stuff in them
- fast food (excluding the healthy options at subway and quiznos)
- anything fried
- nachos
- ice cream
- sweets - cookies, candy, regular soda (which i don't really drink anyway)
- mac and cheese
- chocolate
- super buttered popcorn
- chinese food except white rice and things with vegetables

I will allow myself pizza on occassion, fat-free chocolate pudding, light popcorn, diet soda, and sugar free, fat free vanilla ice cream (mostly because I have a lot left in the freezer).

so, mostly this is a diet, but i guess i'd rather see it as a goal to make it through without these things, and maybe by the end i won't want even really want them anymore. unlike sr. year of high school when lent ended while i was in spain and nicole had brought half a suitcase full of easter candy with her. when dinner is the slab of meat you just saw hanging in the window by a hook, sugared marshmallow birds look damn tasty. (p.s. isn't the Peep inside the chocolate egg such a good idea?!)

lastly, on a more serious note, i want to try to make this time not ALL about losing weight, but partially about what Lenten is for, traditionaly (and i'm not really referring to all the religious ideaology). therefore, i will also be working on feeling better about the way i look no matter what. i realize that even with weight gone it may not mean i will like myself any more.

well, wish me luck in all respects. i will keep you updated on my progress and any possible setbacks.
wow, aren't you excited?! haha.

i never promised this blog would be interesting, and my plan to keep that non-promise is going splendidly.



coming soon: "orange you happy to see me?: test-running my new self-tanner"

i'd like some fries with that macnerd

clicking on the link above will prove to you how much of a computer/advertising dork my grad school friends and i are, because we find something like that to be funny. pretty damn funny actually. so funny that we share it with each other and say "take a look at this, it's really funny!" but if you don't know the difference between Mac and Microsoft products, you won't get it, and if you don't know how the companies package and advertise their products, it won't be funny, and if you like Microsoft more than Mac it won't be ammusing to you at all. so, don't say i didn't warn you.

you may procede.

a new level of bored

i just took one of those stupid Quizilla tests that people make up. this one was called "What kick-ass t-shirt saying are you?" or something like that, and i have to say this test result was surprisingly accurate (see below). so, rock on Quizilla t-shirt saying survey maker. thank you for sharing your adeptness at pinpointing people's personalities on fake t-shirts through questions like "Are you crazy?". next stop, the CIA.




Which Kick Ass Shirt Saying Are You??
brought to you by Quizilla

tempus fugit

i cannot believe it has been almost a month since my last post. the passing of time just escapes me lately as i spend most of my days in my apartment, on my computer. and though i am being paid to sit in my bed and do work on said computer (so i should not complain), working from home does little for good human contact and gives me nothing interesting to write about. at this rate, i just need a couple kids and a husband and i'd be a desperate housewife.

think i'd prefer a boyfriend and a puppy.

i just thank god for a gym membership, roommates who alternate being home, and weekend visits that keep me sane. and someday soon, when i am getting up at 6am to put on business attire and take the T into the office, i will look back on this time and be envious of my sweatpant wardrobe and working-from-bed days. truly, i can't say that it's altogether a bad deal.

things i miss, and always will

as i feel like i'm transitioning into a new part of my life and moving farther away in time from many of the great moments i've had, i'd like to stop and take note of the things that were so amazing and impacted me so much that i still miss them when they pass through my mind. some of these things are fairly recent, while many go back even before high school. some are purely happy memories, while others are bitter-sweet in a way that their rememberence brings about a kind of sadness for their ending. all have the distinction of being tucked away in my heart forever, along with the people who are a part of them. if that is you, i hope you also remember and miss them too.

- monday night company class
- saturday night dinners
- hour long hugs
- movies and friendlys after work
- waynelovich cookouts
- stupid home-made radio shows like 13.4 AFNF
- choreographing dances in the basement
- 80s dance parties in the dorm room
- Checkers
- rainy car rides to nowhere
- maple syruping
- the final bow
- "Our next category is Senior Large Group Lyrical, please welcome studio code D, "Heal the Suffering." and "and the award is....an Ultimate Gold!"
- the smell of my Caboodle
- new X-Files fridays (and then sundays)
- christmas as a child (i.e. less shopping, no stress, lots of gifts, more magic)
- going to every meal at the dining hall as a huge group
- new school clothes shopping with mom
- "David Duchovny why won't you love me!?!! Why won't you love me?!?! Why won't you love me?!?!"........"lo siento."
- late nights/early mornings with the damn chirping birds
- secret car meeting
- tech rehearsals
- playing charades in the instrument room
- school crushes
- the bottom of the ocean in the Great Barrier Reef
- Nintendo world championships (in my basement of course)
- people watching/outfit critiques at the holyoke mall
- "Would you still be my friend if I looked like this?!"
- lake winnepesaki (still can't spell it)
- long talks about nothing and everything
- being naive enough to think things won't change (but knowing deep down they always do)

behold, the power of kentucky

on my way home from the gym tonight i was about ready to blow up at all the crazy, stupid, boston rush-hour drivers that surrounded me, as well as all the harvard kids crossing the damn street at the same fricken time in a steady stream that lasted about 5 minutes. luckily, at the moment when i starting thinking it would be a good thing for the suv in front of me to take out one of those preppy, ivy-leaguers so we could get this show on the road, i noticed that same suv had a kentucky licence plate and suddenly, all was right with the world.

if you haven't ever seen a kentucky licence plate i have posted a picture here, because it is by far the best one in the country and it must make road rage obsolete in that state. there's no way you can see that licence plate and remain angry about anything. i want to hang it in my room. maybe i'll tattoo it on myself somewhere so i can take a quick look at it whenever someone's pissing me off. maybe we should all tattoo it somewhere and then the world would be a happier place. i think president bush should get one right on his forehead, then i might actually smile when i see him. it might even help his approval rating. okay, so that's stretching it, but maybe other countries won't hate us as much when they get a look at that big, smiling sun and our country's new slogan:

"USA: It's that friendly."


well, a girl can dream.

songs for happy

a couple posts ago i listed some of the best wallowing, feed-your-depression music. now i need to counter that with some of my favorite happy music. most are on this list because they remind me of something from my life that was obviously a good time. therefore, they may not be universally recognized as songs to make you feel better, but they always work for me, and many are just part of a good soundtrack for an already good mood.


"Unwritten" or "These Words" by Natasha Bedingfield - she's just fun, makes you want to skip.

"All You Need is Love" by The Beatles - "Love, love, love. Love, love, love", it really is all you need. pass it on.

"Everything is Alright" by Motion City Soundtrack - i get to rock out, and it reminds me of The Zoo.

"All Right Now" by Free - where's my car? cause i need to drive with All the windows down Right Now.

"Always Love" by Nada Surf - a good reminder when you're stewing about something.

"Sittin on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding - the "i'm just chillin'" and really content with it song.

"Dancin' in the Moonlight" by Harvest King - clap your hands dammit! makes me wanna dance.

"Maneater" by Hall and Oates - ok, this one just makes me laugh, which makes me happy. It also reminds me that I used to sing it "Oh, oh here she comes, watch out boys she'll chew you up. Oh, oh here she comes, she's a MAD GATOR." Hey, it still makes sense at least.

"Geek in the Pink" by Jason Mraz - ok, Mraz in general just makes me happy and i love geeks and pink. Also "Curbside Prophet" and "Life is Wonderful"

"Tiny Dancer" by Elton John - one of the best. plus there's talk of dance and that section with the strings.

"Don't Leave Me This Way" by Thelma Houston - disco baby. infectious.

"My Sharona" by The Knack - 4 words: Janet. Reno. Dance. Party. "I said no moshing!!" plus it reminds me of freshman year and alicia.

"Build Me Up Buttercup" by The Foundations - it just makes me happy. and there was that time i tried to download it to becky's computer, but i was searching for "Fill Me Up Butter Cup". yea, i'm an idiot.

"Chariot" by Gavin Degraw - because he's my boyfriend and it reminds me of senior year term 2 when i made everyone listen to his cd all the time.

"Everybody's Got Their Something" by Nikka Costa - makes me feel good about myself and it's got a great sound. "I know that there's a time for every star to shine."

"Middle of Nowhere" by Hot Hot Heat - Los Angeles summer 2005 baby.

and while I'm at it...

"Beverly Hills" by Weezer - reminds me of my drive to work every day this past summer right through the 90210.
and
"California by Phantom Planet - sang this song for the 2 months before i left and then all the way to cali.

"Two of Of Us" by Aimee Mann - cross country drive or any car ride in the Lumina. always a good time.

"Thank You (Furlettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)" by Sly and the Family Stone - everything about this song rocks. just look at the title. then there's the killer funk sound that makes you want to put on a sweet leisure suit and walk down the street with a boom box.

"Girls Just Want to Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper - CLR memories of my favorite girls. and also to go along with that - "Boom Boom Boom Boom" by Venga Boys, "Like a Prayer" by Madonna and "Send Me On My Way" by Rusted Root. any song associated with my girls is a happy one. =)

"Pass That Dutch" by Missy Elliot - best song to walk to and reminds me of driving in the Mustang with my roommates on a saturday night to go out dancing. hoo de hoooooo!

"Clarity" by John Mayer - term 3 senior year. and the time caryn a. and i sang it on the way to Harris Hill - her only singing the oo oo oooo part.

"Land Down Under" by Men at Work - you know you want to skip to this song. great use of the flute. plus it's Australia and i miss it.

"Stop! The Love You Save May Be Your Own" by Jackson 5 - who can resist peppy, cute, little MJ instead of creepy old child molester? plus, it reminds me of teaching at the Ja'Duke dance workshop with Kim and doing the crab walk while she did her little mermaid impression.

"Amsterdam" by Guster - i love guster! just an infectious sound that makes you want to bounce. and then there are the memories of the 2 guster concerts and rocking out to it when i worked at bath and body works.

"Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim - "walk without rhythm and it won't attract the world" alicia and i freshman year. plus the video is a dancing Christopher Walken.

"Closing Time" by Semisonic - still the greatest end of the night anthem. plus, officer road trip to NYC.


other happy songs: "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/Wonderful World" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, "Doo Wop (That Thing)" by Lauren Hill, extraordinary machine by fiona apple, "Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service, "Midnight Train" by Journey (or "Separate Ways" cause the awesome 80s synthesizer), "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" by Stevie Wonder, "I Want Candy" by Bow Wow Wow, "Instant Pleasure" by Rufus Wainwright, "Did You Ever Look So Nice" by The Samples, "You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon, "A Thousand Beautiful Things" by Annie Lennox, "American Baby" by Dave Matthews Band, "Joy to the World" by Three Dog Night, "Melissa" by The Allman Brothers, "3x5" by John Mayer

ok, so the list goes on and on because I just love sharing music. but i'll stop now.


be happy. =)
be sad. =(
be yourself. s(:~P <------ me

snow day suggestions

MOVIES: Finding Neverland, if you love Peter Pan, Johnny Depp and your imagination. Just a wonderful story and beautiful film.

War of the Worlds, if you'd rather watch a Spielberg sci-fi thriller. And it is good, no matter how crazy Tom Cruise is in real life, the truth is, he can act and he does in this, alongside an always scarily talented Dakota Fanning and really great computer FX.

MUSIC: The Fray, "Over My Head (Cable Car)" It may not be on hot 100 stations yet, or whatever, but if you listen to independent or college radio (which I would highly advise) it's there and it's good. Lyric example:
And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless


TV: Charles Dicken's Bleak House on PBS. Now, before you laugh at me or get huffy because you think I'm being pretentious by suggesting something presented by public TV and Masterpiece Theatre, this TV mini-series, originally made for the BBC, has everything your mainstream TV series has, and more - a huge controversial court case, death, murder, secrets, love letters, drugs, rich people, poor people, drama, villians, creepy cemeteries, etc. (and that was just in the first two hours). The only thing I can think that it might be missing are terrorists and a deserted island. However, I do hear that later in the series there's spontaneous human combustion.

I happened upon the show last night (as I was listlessly flipping through the 13 TV stations my mom gets) and to be honest, what first drew me in was Gillian Anderson, who plays Lady Dedlock, a rich, bored Victorian woman with a secret past. I hadn't seen Anderson since The X-Files ended, so I thought I'd check it out. Now, I am hooked like its an episode of 24 or LOST. Anderson isn't the main character among the large ensemble cast of British actors, and that doesn't matter because everyone is talented and the story is compelling.

The 8 hour mini-series started last night with a two hour opener and will continue as hour spots for the next 4 Sundays and conclude on the 5th with another two hours. If you want to catch the beginning, I am sure PBS will be re-running it throughout the week. I highly recommend checking it out. As it did for me, it may change your view of period dramas and Masterpiece Theatre.

20 questions (ok, only 10)

one of the best shows on TV is Inside the Actor's Studio on BRAVO and my favorite part of that show (besides the will ferrell spoof on SNL) is james lipton's 10 questions he asks every person at the end of their interview. i think the questions are great and i've decided that since i will never have a chance to be asked those questions by mr. lipton, i will instead ask and answer them myself right here. i would encourage you to answer them as well and post it cause i'd love to read them. =)


1. What is your favorite word? enigmatic. i don't really know why. just like it i guess.

2. What is your least favorite word? cunt. i'm sorry, i didn't even want to write that there i hate it so much.

3. What turns you on? music.

4. What turns you off? ignorance and disrespect.

5. What is your favorite curse word? either shitballs, or fuck me.

6. What sound or noise do you love? the ocean.

7. What sound or noise do you hate? any metal utensil scraping against a metal pan. eeek.

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? acting.

9. What profession other than yours would you not like to do? accounting.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you reach the pearly gates? "The swings are over there, the dance studio is all ready....oh, and flashlight tag starts at 8."

soundtrack for self-deprication

in my recent attempts to just be, live in the now and be happy, i have realized how hard those things really are for me. i have the horrible habit of daydreaming of past issues and projecting on the future the worst scenarios i know will never happen, but like to occupy my mind anyway. i do not understand this need my subconscious has to imagine heartbreak and disasters, but i do know that it is so much easier just to let my mind go on its little tangents instead of reigning it in to the present, which is usually problem, heartbreak and disaster-free. however, i have to keep trying to stop these mind-benders before they start because i think the paths my mind take are unhealthy and don't do me any good except to make me sad over something that hasn't happened and probably won't. (i mean, it would be different if i found out i was psychic or something and could start using my powers to save the world, but i'm pretty sure that's not going to happen.)

at the same time, i have also come to terms with just having a day to wallow, without it becoming a regular occurrence. tonight was just such an instance. sometimes just what i need is my bed, down comforter, eeyore and a playlist with sad, heart-wrenching, beautiful music. so, if any of you also like to indulge in these moments, here is a great list of artists to source for a pity-party soundtrack:

1. Counting Crows - whatever hits home for you can probably be found in one of their songs: Round Here, Colorblind, Long December

2. Tori Amos - no one does angsty music with a pounding piano line quite like tori amos: Little Earthquakes, Me and a Gun, China, Spark, and on and on and on.

3. Aqualung - my newest addition to the crew, something about beautiful piano and soft-spoken, slightly whiny british singers that does me in: Breaking My Heart, Good Times Gonna Come, Another Little Hole

4. Coldplay - definitely my favorite, and the absolute kings of heart-break (again with the piano): What If, The Scientist, Trouble, Warning Sign

5. Elliot Smith - a talented and tragic artist, if the first lines of "Miss Misery" don't hit somewhere in your heart ("i'll fake it through the day with some help of Johnnie Walker Red, send a poison rain down the drain to put back thoughts in my head"), you are the Grinch (i.e. your heart is 5 sizes too small), also "Someone I Used to Know" is worth checking out.

6. Radiohead - may beat Coldplay out for the depression-throne, ok probably does. if i didn't choreograph dances in my head to the music, i would explode from the need to feel it all: Talk Show Host, Exit Music, Creep, Let Down, Karma Police.

7. Fiona Apple - ranges from the beautiful sad to the angry sad, the addition of sttings in some songs hit home for me, to me the violins sound like a heart bleeding: Never is a Promise, I Know, Love Ridden

Some other favorites that you probably already know: "Why" -Annie Lennox, "Brick" -Ben Folds, "The Drugs Don't Work" -originally The Verve, but also check out Ben Harper's cover, "Good Morning Heartache" -Billie Holiday, "And So it Goes" -Billy Joel, "Tiny Vessels" -Death Cab ("you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me", ouch), "Mad World" -Gary Jules, "Me and My Charms" -Kristen Hersh (those strings again), "Hallelujah" -i'm partial to Rufus Wainwright's version, "Dust in the Wind" -Kansas, "Hurt" -the johnny cash cover of NIN

the _________ ___ happiness

today while researching archetypal psychologist James Hillman (for no specific reason really), i realized that no matter what career change i have made since undergraduate school, i will always be drawn to study pieces of psychology and criminal justice. what fascinates and thrills me has not changed with a degree of a new name, i have just expanded my pool of opportunity and experience, and maybe embraced a side of myself that i did not have the confidence to pursue straight out of high school.

however, what i have also come to recall today while thinking on my psychology degree is something that someone said to me recently, after hearing that i had majored in psychology in undergrad. i cannot even recall who the person was or where i was or any of the specifics of the encounter, but the words they said still cause a pit of dislike to form in my gut. they said something to the effect that "yea, a lot of kids major in psychology because they don't know what they want." maybe psychology is a major that is seen that way, as a catch-all for everyone who doesn't want to be a liberal arts major or doesn't really want to work, but as a person who took the time and effort to take hard, non-required courses before declaring the major to make sure i was interested, and then working hard to earn a degree in the subject, i take offense to that. and i'd have to say that i know quite a few people i had classes with in school who would also find that statement annoying.

just because i have not opted for a career in that field does not mean that i chose it because i didn't know what the hell else to do with all that time in school. nor would i expect my classmates who are pursuing their graduate degrees in the subject to say they chose the field out of apathy or indecision towards declaring a major. i may not have gone to school knowing i would major in psychology, but once i started it, it was something i found extremely fascinating and still do. if i hadn't caught the creativity bug, i would probably happily be earning a masters in it right now. it is also something i don't think i have fully left behind.

people who perpetuate the stereotypes about a psychology degree are maybe taking their notions from college history and not the present day. i wonder if whoever said that to me, if speaking with my teacher friends, would have asked them, "so is it true, 'those who can, do, and those who can't, teach?'" whatever that saying does to the hearts of those of you who worked your asses off to become the under-paid, under-appreciated guides of future generations, is also the feeling i get when someone implies that my psychology degree was just something i got when i was confused.

lastly, who's to say that if you know exactly what you want to do when you start and finish college that it is what you will end up doing anyway? no one's life is that simple. no matter how certain i think i am about the place i'm headed, i'll once again find myself running in circles, cutting another path or just happily going along for the ride. i am the first one to admit that my degrees in psychology and criminal justice look kind of funny on my resume just under my M.S. in advertising. however, i will not concede that the disjointed path was due to "a kid" who didn't know what she was doing. i am happy and proud to have such a varied and interesting piece of paper that, if nothing else, brings up some questions to whoever is looking at it. "criminal justice, huh? so you could, hypothetically, arrest the people making the horrible advertisments?"

sometimes i wish. but, hypothetically, and actually, i can do, or not do, whatever i damn well please with that degree and any of the others. and happily, i will.




"Just stop for a minute and you'll realize you're happy just being. I think it's the pursuit that screws up happiness. If we drop the pursuit, it's right here." -James Hillman