Confessions of a Grey's Anatomy Virgin

In the past 3 weeks, I have had a total of 5 people almost go into coronary arrest over my utterance of the simple statement: "I have never watched Grey's Anatomy." So, to ensure that I am not to blame for anyone's premature death, I have succumbed to the peer-pressure and watched last night's episode. It was the re-airing of last year's season finale and thus I was a little confused. However, TV is not rocket-science and this show isn't exactly 24 or LOST (no offense Grey-lovers, it just isn't as complicated as those), so I think I'll be able to pick it up.

Fast forward to tonight. I just watched what I am assuming was a show to catch up people like me on the last season, and I think it did the trick. And I'll admit, I'm intrigued. I do keep having to stomp down the little voice in me that says "But what is the NEED for another hospital-based drama?!", but if it's as good as you all say, I'm sure I'll get over it.

So, here I am. It is 9:00pm on Thursday, October 21, 2006, I am in my PJs, have a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and I am about to watch my first episode of Grey's Anatomy (ok, technically not the first, but the first that I'm going to understand). Come along and I'll tell you how it goes.

9:01
Well, we are off to a good start, they are using the Lullaby song I love from the Dixie Chicks' latest album. +1 (even though Medium used it last year)

9:08
The bubonic plague? Ok, ok, I'll give it a chance.

9:20
Realize I haven't been writing in here about the show. That's probably worth a +5.

9:22
Knocked-up catholic school girls throwing their baby into a dumpster and cheaters getting cheated on. +2 for piqued interest, -1 for soap-opera quality

9:25
There is a skunk outside my apartment. -10 for the skunk and another glass of wine for me.

9:32
There is a woman larger than a size 2 on the show and she seems like she actually has a part beyond the comic relief or the wise friend who can't get a date. +5!

9:36
Dr. McDreamy (that is his name right?) is going to die of the plague in the resident locker room after he eats every piece of food in there. +2, I want to see that

9:39
Someone save the plague guy who used to be on Boston Public!!! +1 for emotional involvement

9:48
Realizing this show is different than ER because no actual medical procedures are performed. No points won or lost because I haven't decided whether it's a good thing or not.

9:49
How long do you think Chris O'Donnell will be "Guest Star"ing on the show?

9:59
Finally! She put those damn panties on the bulletin board. I was waiting for that the whole time. Good move Mrs. McDreamy, even though you were the one that cheated first.
Ok, I'm obviously getting into this. +1

10:01
Told us what music was used in the episode. Good job ABC. +2
But why are your shows ending at 10:01?
At least it's not like LOST where you tell us it's an "extended episode" and it lasts until 10:02. -10 for ABC and their idiotic-ness when it comes to that show.

But, I digress.

I made it successfully through my first Grey's Anatomy episode and I enjoyed it! I hear the first two seasons are even better and Jen has decided that I'm going to watch those too. So I will admit I am excited for that.

But, back to tonight. The tally is......drumroooooooooooll........16! (for Grey's, but -8 for ABC and -10 for the skunk.)

That's a pretty good score. Of course, my points are like those on Whose Line is it Anyway?, they don't matter. However, they do mean that I will probably watch again next week.

Well, I may tape it while I watch CSI.
What can I say? Dr. McDreamy is pretty dreamy, but Nick Stokes is the hottest CSI around.

A New Look for a New Beginning

Welcome to my newly rennovated blog! It's barely shy of it's 1st birthday and I've decided it needs a facelift. I've heard cosmetic surgery is addicting, so maybe I'll be changing it all the time! Now that I use Blogger Beta (thanks to Sara), it is much easier to make changes than before. Not as much messy HTML code to fumble with.

So that is the new look. The new beginning is MY NEW JOB!!! Yes, I got a job! Actually, I got two, but who's counting? The one I accepted is working for the graphic communications department in the office of the Secretary of the Commonwealth (that means it's a state job). Pretty good pay, great benefits and an amazing view of downtown Boston from my office! It is all very exciting and I start Monday!

I owe a huge thank you to my friend Emily who is actually leaving the job and helped me slide into her place. She gave her boss my resume and kept promoting me to him. It really is who you know. I am greatful that this opportunity came up because it ends 8 months of job searching, something I don't wish on anyone. I am also thankful to those of you who kept my spirits up during those months. Your sympathy and words of encouragement were so helpful and greatly appreciated.

It may be hard at first to leave such a great schedule behind, and the comfort of working in my PJs, but I can't wait to get into the real work force, meet new people and learn more about graphic design. I think this is just the first step on my career path.

Definitely the start of something good.

something i took from someone who took it from someone else

since i have been harassed on MySpace by Sara for my infrequent blog postings, i have decided to top off a couple days worth of new posts with something i stole from a post on her blog. so there sara! (you better watch it, or i won't wear the horse skirt.)

she stole this from someone else's blog. you can only give one word answers. here goes:

Yourself: low-key
Your partner: nonexistent
Your hair: pretty
Your mother: strong
Your father: supportive
Your favorite item: powerbook
Your dream last night: bizarre
Your favorite drink: colada
Your dream home: comfortable
The room you are in: haphazard
Your fear: failure
Where you want to be in ten years: happy
Who you hung out with last night: StandUp
What you're not: skinny
Your best friend: thoughtful
One of your wish list items: job
Your gender: female
The last thing you did: read
What you are wearing: GAP
Your favorite weather: sunshine
Your favorite book?: Odyssey
Last thing you ate?: PBJ
Your life: stagnant
Your mood: indifferent
The last person you talked to on the phone: Chip
Who are you thinking about right now: Lucas

Did I Say That Reality Shows Are Stupid? Because What I Really Meant Was "Reality Shows Are Stupid Until a Family Member Wins Money On One"

Apparently, my second cousin (or something) just won 1/2 million dollars on Big Brother All Stars.


They say distant family members come out of the woodwork when you get rich.

Watch out Mike, cause i'm a-comin!

Just look at that family resemblance!

another reason to love Spain

Skinny models wearing thin in fashion shocker

gracias espana.

Bix.com

One of my newest assignments for my job is to promote this new contest site called Bix.com. It is basically like You Tube, MySpace and America's Got Talent combined. People make contests using video, audio or writing and anyone can enter. A lot of them are Karaoke, Lip-Syncing, Comedy, etc. Some even have cash prizes and eventually most of them will. My job is to make contests and get people to enter into them. My goal is to get as many people to sign up and participate in the site as possible. So I will keep you all updated on the latests contests and everyone can go to the site and register and start entering contests! Plus you can tell all your friends and your friends friends! =) Then I would love you forever. Also, if you want to start making your own contests, give me your username and the contests you make and the people who enter them will be added into my numbers and help me out even more.

The first contest I made is a song parody contest (except I made a typo and it's a Song Parady contest, and it's really bothering me). But anyway, I got inspired by Brad Akin's parody of "Sexyback", "Sweatyback". So if you want to enter, go here.

To inspire you, I wrote this little ditty and I'm going to have my roommate enter it:

Turn it Brown (aka, The Miseducation of Al Gore)
(sung to The Rolling Stones' Paint it Black)

I see some green grass and I want it to turn brown
No ice caps anymore, I want them melted down.
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I love that it's December and it never snows.

I see a line of cars all waiting for some gas,
A Hummer, Escalade and Ford Escape S-Class.
I see a Hybrid car and quickly look away,
Tree-hugging hippie cars will ruin my whole day.

I look inside my lungs and see they are all black.
Like using corn power will help them to turn back.
Maybe then I'll understand why we should find a cleaner way,
It's not easy facin' up when I've got big oil to pay.

No more will our green sea go turn a deeper blue,
How could I forsee the damage oil spills would do?

If I lay on the beach out in the shining sun,
I'll burn my skin all off before the night time comes.

I see some green grass and I want it to turn brown
No ice caps anymore, I want them melted down.
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I love that it's December and it never snows.

Hmmmm, hmmmmm.....

I wanna see the world turn, world turn brown,
Brown as dirt, brown as poo.
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky.
I wanna see it turning, turning, turning, turning brown.

someone IMed me this link today:

http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp

it is one of those sites where you put in your birthdate and they give you a whole sheet about you and things that happened on your birthdate and birth year.

it also told me this about myself:

"Of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritable and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self-confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood, loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner."

crap that's accurate, except the first part (Oh, wait, there's my "lack of self-confidence"). actually, come to think of it, it does say "unusual" and not "immense" or "breathtaking," so i guess that could be right too.

i also found out that Rachel Bilson (The OC) and i have the exact same birthdate, same year and everything. guess that's really not that interesting to anyone but me. but i guess none of this is. haha. oh, well.

i know i should just get over it, but...

i am going to ask one request of everyone i know who reads this blog (most of who are just friends and family): if you call me up or see me somewhere, please refrain from asking me if i have a job yet. i don't and i am tired of discussing my lack of job. it's no one's fault that it is a hot topic of conversation, it's such a central point of life. believe me, i know.

also believe me when i say that when i get a job, EVERYONE will know. i will probably get a megaphone and drive through boston yelling it to the world. maybe i'll even call up delilah and dedicate some cheesy song to myself in congratulations.

so keep sending the job fairy vibes my way or whatever, and listen out for the song, the megaphone, a phone call, etc. i absolutely appreciate your interest in my life and of course your well wishes, but understand why i just don't want to talk about it.

thank you.

the (2nd) greatest idea EVER

if deciding to have alicia's bachelorette party be 80's themed was the BEST idea i've ever had, this has to be the second best*:

Adult Ding Dong Cart!

ok, for those of you who aren't from western mass. that probably just looks dirty, but it's not. the ding dong cart is the ice cream truck that drives around your neighborhood in the summer giving teenage mutant ninja turtle pops to kiddies. but why should they have all the fun?

the answer: they shouldn't.

so, the plan. if i don't get a real job that i like by next spring i'm going to buy one of those ding dong carts. instead of selling ice cream treats by playing "Turkey in the Straw," i'm going to sell jello shots, frozen margaritas, pina coladas and keg beer by tricking my truck out and playing "Sexyback." every friday from 8pm-3am would be a flippin goldmine! i can see the BU students running already.

then during mardi gras i could drive my sweet ride to new orleans. spring break time i'd go down to daytona beach and, of course, mexico for cinco de mayo! i'd be more popular than the Girls Gone Wild bus!

ok. no i wouldn't. BUT i'd still be pretty damn popular.


*i had help in developing this idea while talking with my roommate jen, so she should also get some of the credit.

sometimes 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 0

Because I have so much that I could possibly talk about, I don't feel like talking about anything.

Summer

In summer things seem different
They shimmer in the heat from a scorched road
And glow in the glare of the sun
An illumination of life,
Of aliveness.

Listen and you can hear the life expanding
Like my heart when i think of summer's past
An ache to feel as alive as the day again
To shimmer and glow,
And burn.

Summer is alive
And I want to be too.

because i'm not this witty on my own

who remembers the Advertising Slogan Generator from like junior year of college?!?! I do! I do! For some reason the memory of it just came to me today and of the countless (and let's be honest, pointless) hours I spent inserting my name, other people's names and, let's be honest again, dirty/bad words into the text box and hitting "Sloganize!". I think I even had a list on my computer of the more funny and innapropriate ones. then becky made magnets out of the ones with our names on them for our fridge at the cottage. she didn't use the dirty ones though (unfortunately).

so, let us all flash back to the days when we had countless hours to waste laughing at pointless but highly entertaining web pages. here are some examples of ones I did today, but if you haven't experience the Slogan Generator for yourself you have to check it out.


"A day without shitballs is like a day without sunshine."

"Pure Allison."

"Allison tested, mother approved."

"You like Allison, Allison likes you."

(uh oh, parental units, look away now) "Top breeders recommend Allison."

then there's this one that almost made me choke on my pineapple slice and die - "You're in good hands with George W. Bush."

And lastly, one that will bring dignity and maturity back to this blog.........




"I can't believe I ate the whole poop!"



yes, i have two degrees. and my parents are so proud.

a message to my favorite blog-stalker, aka Janet

i am still here, i swear. i have not formed a secret blog away from your stalker-eyes but have instead been busy packing up my apartment to move this friday. plus there hasn't been anything ridiculous enough going on for me to make fun of. it's quite unfortunate actually.

instead i will tell you about a dream i had last night that i found really amusing upon waking. i don't really remember most of the specifics, but what i do remember is sitting on an old rug with my roommate erin when it suddenly became a magic carpet and started to fly us into the sky. so we decided what better thing to do on a magic carpet than to sing ALL of "A Whole New World" from Aladdin in our best (aka worst) singing voices. i sang aladdin's part and she jasmine's. we even did cheesy arm motions. it surprises me that we make fun of ourselves even in my dream.

all around it was like a normal night at the apartment.

well, except erin usually sing's aladdin's part.




i hope you enjoyed janet. this post was all for you. sorry i didn't talk about Hanson. oh, there, i just did.

Taking the Long Way

i haven't really had time to post lately, but there's been lots of fun stuff going on, like wedding showers, Boston visits, gym time, realtor meetings, volunteering, secret projects and job searching. if you don't know, kelly is moving out to chicago for the summer to perform in the newest tap show, Imagine Tap, and erin and i are moving with our friend jen. hopefully we are going to end up somwhere close to where we are now, but we have to be out by July 1, so the rush is on. add to that the fact that i am gone away the next two weekends, so trying to schedule job interviews and apartment viewings has become pretty crazy.

however, i did want to take the time to share my new song and promote the new Dixie Chicks album that it is from (the CD is great. and that's coming from a non-country music girl). the CD is called "Taking the Long Way," and the title track (actually called "The Long Way Around") is my new theme song. you can listen to a clip here ( and while you're there, check out "Lullaby", i am in LOVE with that song too). i'm also going to type the lyrics out. those of you who also graduated in '04 will appreciate verse four. i think we're all finally getting there in our lives, or at least one stage of whatever "there" is. whether it's marriage, jobs, degrees, moving to a better place, etc, none of us are taking the easy way. where would be the fun in that?

good luck to those of you who are going to be settling down soon and godspeed to those of you, who, like me, need (or will have) some more years of wandering.

don't worry loves. we will all make it.


The Long Way Around by the Dixie Chicks

My friends from high school
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes
Where their parents live

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling
Lived like a gypsy
Six strong hands on the steering wheel

I've been a long time gone now
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
But I've always found my way somehow

By taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

I met the queen of whatever
Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies
Moved with the shakers
Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to

No I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting it back on the road now

But I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
The long
The long way around

Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

call me stupid

it has been raining in boston for almost a week straight now. towns in the area are flooded about a foot higher than the "flood line," schools, businesses and roads are closed, people are losing everything in their houses. luckily, brighton has not been one of these areas and the most we have had to worry about is a little water in the basement and getting from the apartment to the car without looking like you just took a long shower with all your clothes on. yesterday the rain subsided by a lot and the only concern of anyone here was avoiding the puddles; something that i apparently did not do successfully enough.

my dumb-ass instead procedes to drop my cell phone in a giant puddle. yes, the same cell phone that has almost reached the 2 year point where I can get a new one. the operative word here is ALMOST. after dropping the phone in the puddle and drying it off, nothing was working. i tried to turn it on and all it was doing was turning on the red light and staying on, but no screen action. so i left it off for a little while and a few hours later i was happy to find that the whole phone turned on and looked like it was going to be okay! and then i tried to use the keypad. currently i can dial the numbers 1,4,7 and *. also the End button and the upper selection pad is working. so, for the next 2 months, if you happen to have the number 1-444-7747 you are my new friend. however, i still won't be able to actually call you because the Send button isn't working. sorry.

luckily my phone has voice activation and i can say things like "Call Caryn!" and the computer lady says:
"Did you say....Call Erin!'?"
"No"
"Did you say 'Call Carrie!'?"
"NO!"
"Did you say 'Call Becky!'?"
"NOOOOOOO!!!! 'Becky' doesn't even sound like 'Caryn'!!"
"Thank you. Calling 'Home'"
"AHHHHHHHH!"

so, if you don't hear from me in a while it's because the lady in my cell phone hates me.


oh, and don't even try to text me unless you want to get back words that only have ghi and pqrs in them. like "rig his ships high" or "rip high sprigs", or my favorite, "his pigs sip piss".

if you're reading this and it's friday, may 12th, it's already too late

kelly, jen and i went to the gym this morning as (somewhat) usual. we did the treadmill and then the bike before some crunches and pilates work. a pretty normal workout. then at some point we took a wrong turn and things went down hill. i won't get into specifics, but in the end we walked out of Bally's an hour and a half later with appointments for personal training sessions with a marine.

so this is my announcement to you all that i will be dead on friday may 12, 2006 at 11am due to complications of being out of shape. my epitaph will read: "here lies allison, all she wanted to do was lose 40 pounds, but instead she died."

if ya can't beat 'em...........eat 'em?

nothing better than an obscure holiday. especially one that Hallmark can capitalize on so easily.

April 21st, Alfred G. Packer Day - recognizes one of the few men to be convicted of cannibalism in the U.S. He ate his other prospector companions after they got lost in the Colorado Rockies. Packer claimed they died of natural causes before he ate them, but modern forensics has proved that at least some of them had been murdered.

In the Colorado Rockies
Where the snow is deep and cold
And a man afoot can starve to death
Unless he's brave and bold.

Oh, Alfred Packer
You'll surely go to hell
While all the others starved to death
You dined a bit too well.

---from The Ballad of Alfred Packer

gotta love the stuff i dig up in the Crime Library.

lent update #3: i suck at doing lent updates

so, lent is almost over and i've only posted twice about my goal of giving up junk food. some of you may think this is because i failed. you would be wrong. i think instead it's just become part of my life so i haven't really had anything interesting to say about it. now that easter is upon me, i have started thinking about eating junk food more. i just know that if i want to have it in a couple of days, i can. this thought also scares me. i am worried that once i start eating it again, things will get bad. it's hard, because i really haven't lost as much weight from doing it as i though i should have, and things like that fuck with my brain. the true test, however, will be getting on my mom's official electric weight watchers scale, because i bought a cheap manual one that i don't trust. i was home a few weekends ago and weighed myself then, so i will have something to compare it to when i go home again tomorrow.

also, i haven't worked out in a long time because the past two weeks i was too busy getting down with the sickness. i'm pretty sure Bally's doesn't really appreciate their members coughing and snotting all over their eliptical machines. when i get back from easter weekend, though, i've got to get my ass back in gear because there are weddings and graduations and shows and beach weather to think about. if that doesn't motivate me, nothing will. so i may have succeeded at my short term goal, but i now have to use it to help me achieve what i want for the long term.


"just take a breath, jump over the side"

a little Coldplay and a lotta cold

blaaaa. i have been sick all week and it sucks. BUT, luckily it didn't hit fully until AFTER Coldplay. not like it would have detered me from going. i would have gotten there with a wheelchair and an IV in my arm if i had to, and it would have been absolutely worth it. just an amazing concert. everything worked out perfect too. alicia and i met each other in the parking garage and had a great dinner and then got to the arena in time to watch some of Richard Ashcroft and actually hear "Bittersweet Symphony" in person, so cool.

before we got there i was so worried about the seats because they were "side view" which could have meant we were looking at speakers or something, but instead it just meant we were on the side but still really close. i definitely made the right choice between those and the other available seats - straight on view but in the nose-bleed section. i'll let you decide for yourself though, because here are some of my pics. enjoy! =)


opening song: Square One

encore songs: Swallowed in the Sea, In My Place, Fix You

best songs: Fix You, The Scientist and Yellow (they dropped huge yellow balloons from the ceiling that sprayed sparkly gold confetti when they popped and Chris Martin popped the last one on the stage by doing a belly flop on it, then he finished the song)

special song: Ring of Fire (played right after Kingdom Come)

best non-music parts: Chris Martin's interpretive dances, getting waved at by Chris Martin, and the whole band coming to the edge of the stage to take pictures of the audience.

alicia and i were so taken with how fan-friendly this band is. they didn't talk much in between the songs, which meant more music time, and when they did talk it was to thank us for being amazing, tell us how much they love New England and ask how everyone was doing (like that was even a question!).

beautiful music made by nice boys, what else could a girl want?

a man in uniform

in honor of the opening day of baseball, i've posting a link to my favorite player ("not a bad piece of ash, huh? the bat. talking about the bat").

one thing (of many) my mom taught me was that there's just something about a man in uniform.

play b**l!!
(oh, crap. the fcc caught up with me.)

the fcc can derelicte my BALLS

comedy central just bleeped out the word "balls" from Zoolander, but in the past week i've been the unwilling witness to the slow-motion loogie hawk from "Flavor of Love" about a zillion times on every entertainment clip show. and don't even get me started on the 50 ads i just had to sit through for girls and guys gone wild (a topic that needs a post all its own). i think we have bigger problems here than hearing about someone's cohones.

bottom line: i am confused by the fcc.






bottom, bottom line: there's more to life than being really really really good looking.

what the dooce?!

i admit it, i am a daily blog reader. besides the few friend blogs i read (shameless plug here for becky, sara and steph), , i also read industry blogs (like this one for movie marketing), celebrity blogs (hello zach braff) and blogs of people i do not know at all. however, the blog that actually started it all, and the one i check almost every day is dooce. you can see that i first talk about this blog here (are you getting sick of the links yet?).

for most of you who won't follow that link and see what i already wrote about dooce, basically it is written by a woman named heather from utah who is a suburban-living stay at home mom (SAHM) or, as she says, a slutty ass ho motherfucker. just from that you can tell she's a housemom with an edge, and that's the reason why even as a young, non-married, non-mother i have still managed to get sucked into her life. it also helps that her husband is geeky-cute, her daughter is precious and her dog is adorable. but that's where the sweetness ends. the rest of the blog is real life. it's about being depressed, or constipated, it's about disappointing parents with your religious and political affiliations, and it's sometimes about being sick of your family and even your own kid. what it almost always is, is funny. it's the humor found in everyday life and crises that keeps me coming back and what, most likely, has made dooce an extremely popular and profitable blog.

i find myself looking up to this woman and thinking i'd kinda want to be her someday. she might be considered a strange role-model to have because she did get fired for writing inappropriate stuff about co-workers on her blog. but since you need to have a job to be fired from one, i think i'll be okay. plus, i'm not much for writing insulting remarks about people; i much rather bitch to a live audience (it's more interactive and there's no paper trail). anyway, what does make me admire her is that she has made her mistakes and not only learned but profited from them. she is a full time blogger who is able to support her family by writing about and taking pictures of her everyday life. that is amazing.

i've always said i want to do freelance work from home once i have kids (i don't imagine my income will come from blogging), but some people look down on this and think that it means giving up a part of your life and who you are, and rolling back years of women's lib. work. however, what i think the best thing that women's lib. has given us is the right to choose what's best for us. if that means climbing the corporate ladder for some, great. if it also means i get to someday work in my pajamas, watch sesame street and smell like peanut butter and jelly every day, that's perfect too, because i know there are people like heather out there who have proven that you can be a stay at home mom (or a slutty ass ho motherfucker), and still be funny, sarcastic, potty-mouthed, a kick-ass graphic designer, and lead an interesting, crazy, fun, fulfilling life.

and speaking of crazy, check out her latest post . HIlarious. behold, the power of photoshop to corrupt even the most innocent of things. =)

why i love heather gould

because she IMs me things that make me cry, like what i got today:

Heather0735: This is for you, I cut the original out of the paper on the day it was printed 5.29.04
Heather0735: I've been meaning to send it to you ever since
Heather0735: but I suck
Heather0735: so here it is


Heather0735: hugs and love to you always!

hugs and love to you too, and all my north stars.

*

it's a beautiful day

today i would like to mark an accomplishment for myself. spring is just around the corner and i am proud to announce that i made it through winter with hardly ANY problems (if you are unsure about what problems i'm referencing and why this is a big deal you should see my first post on this blog). i think this is an even bigger deal because i did it while being mainly unemployed and practically confined to my apartment AND i went to the gym. what's up now bitches?! haha.

i don't think weather-wise this winter was as bad as last year's in the fact that it didn't snow that much and it wasn't quite as bitter cold. however, it was still fucking gray and that is usually what does me in. not anymore. everything is mind over matter and what i've realized is that some situations can become better just by looking at them differently. and although she doesn't realize it, one of those attitude changes came about after a visit with my friend jess. she put something into perspective for me that helped me to get over the emotional roadblock i was stuck at regarding a part of my life and the people in it. i am grateful to her and to everyone else whose caring actions or words have inadvertently made me step back, take a look around and remember how lucky i am.

the sun is shining today and the temperature is getting warmer and the change of seasons has me so excited for all the things happening in the upcoming months. some things i am looking forward to that will most likely end up on this blog in some form or another are:

Coldplay concert
Wicked
Becky's wedding shower
Alicia's wedding shower
EC graduation
Becky's wedding
Imagine Tap (Kelly's tap show in Chicago)
Alicia's wedding

Also in the works, a new job, a new apartment and trips to Portland to see various peeps.

I may not be in L.A. this summer or out looking for America, but things will be great nonetheless.

lent update #2: minimize me

the other day i watched the anti-mcdonalds, pro-health documentary Supersize Me. i had added it to my netflicks list far before i decided to give up junk food for lent, but it couldn't have come at a more appropriate time. it's not that i really eat mcdonald's or any similar fast food that much. however, watching the film has definitely reinforced the idea that i should NEVER be eating mcdonalds, and that processed foods in general are unhealthy. it has me thinking that the extra expense to shop for food at whole foods markets may be worth it. kelly bought some stuff from there recently and when i looked at the ingredients on the cereal i could read and spell everything. no artificial flavors, preservatives or multi-syllabic chemical additives to be found. there is no contesting the idea that this must be better for us to eat.

it is the 19th day of lent and i have not eaten junk food. i have twice turned down "taco bell sunday" (erin's favorite day), ordered steamed chicken and broccoli and white rice for chinese and refused kelly's offers of fruitsnacks. i constantly drink water and have tried to up my exercise regimen, which can be the most difficult for me. unfortunately, i have not lost any weight. none. i have also not gained any, which i suppose is good, but i hope that my body has just been readjusting and i will soon see the results in the drop of the needle. if anything, i can say for sure that i FEEL better, and that, of course, is the most important thing and what will hopefully keep me going.


p.s. if you rent Super Size Me you have to watch one of the bonus features called "The Smoking Fry", you will never want to put McDonald's french fries in your body again.

hey baby, what's your sign?

for shits and giggles i went to www.astrology.com to look up my horoscope for the day, week, year, whatever, and i ended up getting an astrology reading. of course you only get a partial reading for free, but there was enough there to surprise me about how accurate some if it was. very interesting. however, that being said, why am i going to pay $19.99 to get told stuff i already know about myself? hmmm. well, anyway. here is part of my reading. i think it pegged me pretty well. what do you think?


The Inner You: Your Real Motivation
Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, you are not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not know until you "sniff them out". You are very, very instinctive and intuitive. You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper than words.

Lent update #1

it has been 6 days since i gave up junk food and i am happy to report that i am succeeding so far. i don't think i've even looked twice at the bucket (yes, bucket) of lindt truffles in the kitchen since friday. well, not twice in a row anyway. i realize that i do have this compulsion to reach for the junk and i find myself looking at it to eat, but now instead of just grabbing it without thinking, i glance at it once, the thought runs through my mind, but i stay away. i am an extremely determined person when it comes to setting my mind to accomplish something that i want, however, thus far that determination has never successfully been tapped into when it comes to food. there has always been too much temptation and not enough motivation. i want to hope that this new self-control i am experiencing through this goal i have set for myself will lead to a lifetime of better eating habits, not just 90 days. when i used to go to weight watchers, the people who were most successful always talked about how they had to see their "diet" as a life-long change and not just a period of time when they would stop eating bad foods. only then did things click into place for them and they were able to lead healthier lives, indefinitely. i want to believe that i am working towards making that change. i hope i am. i really do.

selective memory

last night i forgot how old i was. no, not in an "i did something really immature" kind of forgetting, i actually forgot. how. old. i. was. (the excessive punctuation is for emphasis of how. stupid. i. am.). someone on TV said how old they were or something about age and i could not remember whether i am 23 or 24. and since no one was around to ask, i literally had to think to myself "ok, i turned 21 during junior year, so i was 22 senior year, 23 last year, so now i'm 24." it seems like forgetting your age is something older people do, or like to do, but forgetting it in your 20s kind of scares me. well, not really. it's just the strangest feeling ever.

i guess all these years feel kind of the same. there's no more exciting birthdays like sweet 16, cigarettes and porn 18 and drunken 21. and if the next "milestone" birthday is 30, bring on the amnesia! cause you can shove that birthday right up your ass. have i mentioned i'm going to New Orleans for that one? nothing says "i'm not 30!" like drinking cheap beer from a plastic cup on the street. at the very least, by 9pm i won't even remember my name, never mind my age.

fat tuesday

more like fat everyday. ok, i know. "don't be so hard on yourself." blah blah blah. yea, it's time i started being harder on myself. i am definitely 20 lbs heavier than i was when i graduated college and 40 lbs heavier than i want to be. "if you lose 40 pounds you won't even be there anymore!" oh trust me, i will be. i'll probably still even wear a double digit dress size. no kidding. so, in honor of the season of lent, i am giving up ALL junk food. i'm not even catholic. but i did it during my senior year of high school and succeeded, so i sure as hell should be able to do it now that i am a much more mature version of myself. that is why, in mature adult fashion, i am posting it on my blog so that the possible embarrassment of failing this endeavor publicly will keep me away from the junk.

when i told erin, my roommate, of my plan, she wanted me to define what i meant by "junkfood", since everyone probably has a different definition. hers only includes candy and chips, that skinny bitch. (loooove you.)
however, mine will be a bit more strict and also includes:
- any snacky food with no nutritional value - cheez its, fruit snacks, granola bars with gooey stuff in them
- fast food (excluding the healthy options at subway and quiznos)
- anything fried
- nachos
- ice cream
- sweets - cookies, candy, regular soda (which i don't really drink anyway)
- mac and cheese
- chocolate
- super buttered popcorn
- chinese food except white rice and things with vegetables

I will allow myself pizza on occassion, fat-free chocolate pudding, light popcorn, diet soda, and sugar free, fat free vanilla ice cream (mostly because I have a lot left in the freezer).

so, mostly this is a diet, but i guess i'd rather see it as a goal to make it through without these things, and maybe by the end i won't want even really want them anymore. unlike sr. year of high school when lent ended while i was in spain and nicole had brought half a suitcase full of easter candy with her. when dinner is the slab of meat you just saw hanging in the window by a hook, sugared marshmallow birds look damn tasty. (p.s. isn't the Peep inside the chocolate egg such a good idea?!)

lastly, on a more serious note, i want to try to make this time not ALL about losing weight, but partially about what Lenten is for, traditionaly (and i'm not really referring to all the religious ideaology). therefore, i will also be working on feeling better about the way i look no matter what. i realize that even with weight gone it may not mean i will like myself any more.

well, wish me luck in all respects. i will keep you updated on my progress and any possible setbacks.
wow, aren't you excited?! haha.

i never promised this blog would be interesting, and my plan to keep that non-promise is going splendidly.



coming soon: "orange you happy to see me?: test-running my new self-tanner"

i'd like some fries with that macnerd

clicking on the link above will prove to you how much of a computer/advertising dork my grad school friends and i are, because we find something like that to be funny. pretty damn funny actually. so funny that we share it with each other and say "take a look at this, it's really funny!" but if you don't know the difference between Mac and Microsoft products, you won't get it, and if you don't know how the companies package and advertise their products, it won't be funny, and if you like Microsoft more than Mac it won't be ammusing to you at all. so, don't say i didn't warn you.

you may procede.

a new level of bored

i just took one of those stupid Quizilla tests that people make up. this one was called "What kick-ass t-shirt saying are you?" or something like that, and i have to say this test result was surprisingly accurate (see below). so, rock on Quizilla t-shirt saying survey maker. thank you for sharing your adeptness at pinpointing people's personalities on fake t-shirts through questions like "Are you crazy?". next stop, the CIA.




Which Kick Ass Shirt Saying Are You??
brought to you by Quizilla

tempus fugit

i cannot believe it has been almost a month since my last post. the passing of time just escapes me lately as i spend most of my days in my apartment, on my computer. and though i am being paid to sit in my bed and do work on said computer (so i should not complain), working from home does little for good human contact and gives me nothing interesting to write about. at this rate, i just need a couple kids and a husband and i'd be a desperate housewife.

think i'd prefer a boyfriend and a puppy.

i just thank god for a gym membership, roommates who alternate being home, and weekend visits that keep me sane. and someday soon, when i am getting up at 6am to put on business attire and take the T into the office, i will look back on this time and be envious of my sweatpant wardrobe and working-from-bed days. truly, i can't say that it's altogether a bad deal.

things i miss, and always will

as i feel like i'm transitioning into a new part of my life and moving farther away in time from many of the great moments i've had, i'd like to stop and take note of the things that were so amazing and impacted me so much that i still miss them when they pass through my mind. some of these things are fairly recent, while many go back even before high school. some are purely happy memories, while others are bitter-sweet in a way that their rememberence brings about a kind of sadness for their ending. all have the distinction of being tucked away in my heart forever, along with the people who are a part of them. if that is you, i hope you also remember and miss them too.

- monday night company class
- saturday night dinners
- hour long hugs
- movies and friendlys after work
- waynelovich cookouts
- stupid home-made radio shows like 13.4 AFNF
- choreographing dances in the basement
- 80s dance parties in the dorm room
- Checkers
- rainy car rides to nowhere
- maple syruping
- the final bow
- "Our next category is Senior Large Group Lyrical, please welcome studio code D, "Heal the Suffering." and "and the award is....an Ultimate Gold!"
- the smell of my Caboodle
- new X-Files fridays (and then sundays)
- christmas as a child (i.e. less shopping, no stress, lots of gifts, more magic)
- going to every meal at the dining hall as a huge group
- new school clothes shopping with mom
- "David Duchovny why won't you love me!?!! Why won't you love me?!?! Why won't you love me?!?!"........"lo siento."
- late nights/early mornings with the damn chirping birds
- secret car meeting
- tech rehearsals
- playing charades in the instrument room
- school crushes
- the bottom of the ocean in the Great Barrier Reef
- Nintendo world championships (in my basement of course)
- people watching/outfit critiques at the holyoke mall
- "Would you still be my friend if I looked like this?!"
- lake winnepesaki (still can't spell it)
- long talks about nothing and everything
- being naive enough to think things won't change (but knowing deep down they always do)

behold, the power of kentucky

on my way home from the gym tonight i was about ready to blow up at all the crazy, stupid, boston rush-hour drivers that surrounded me, as well as all the harvard kids crossing the damn street at the same fricken time in a steady stream that lasted about 5 minutes. luckily, at the moment when i starting thinking it would be a good thing for the suv in front of me to take out one of those preppy, ivy-leaguers so we could get this show on the road, i noticed that same suv had a kentucky licence plate and suddenly, all was right with the world.

if you haven't ever seen a kentucky licence plate i have posted a picture here, because it is by far the best one in the country and it must make road rage obsolete in that state. there's no way you can see that licence plate and remain angry about anything. i want to hang it in my room. maybe i'll tattoo it on myself somewhere so i can take a quick look at it whenever someone's pissing me off. maybe we should all tattoo it somewhere and then the world would be a happier place. i think president bush should get one right on his forehead, then i might actually smile when i see him. it might even help his approval rating. okay, so that's stretching it, but maybe other countries won't hate us as much when they get a look at that big, smiling sun and our country's new slogan:

"USA: It's that friendly."


well, a girl can dream.

songs for happy

a couple posts ago i listed some of the best wallowing, feed-your-depression music. now i need to counter that with some of my favorite happy music. most are on this list because they remind me of something from my life that was obviously a good time. therefore, they may not be universally recognized as songs to make you feel better, but they always work for me, and many are just part of a good soundtrack for an already good mood.


"Unwritten" or "These Words" by Natasha Bedingfield - she's just fun, makes you want to skip.

"All You Need is Love" by The Beatles - "Love, love, love. Love, love, love", it really is all you need. pass it on.

"Everything is Alright" by Motion City Soundtrack - i get to rock out, and it reminds me of The Zoo.

"All Right Now" by Free - where's my car? cause i need to drive with All the windows down Right Now.

"Always Love" by Nada Surf - a good reminder when you're stewing about something.

"Sittin on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding - the "i'm just chillin'" and really content with it song.

"Dancin' in the Moonlight" by Harvest King - clap your hands dammit! makes me wanna dance.

"Maneater" by Hall and Oates - ok, this one just makes me laugh, which makes me happy. It also reminds me that I used to sing it "Oh, oh here she comes, watch out boys she'll chew you up. Oh, oh here she comes, she's a MAD GATOR." Hey, it still makes sense at least.

"Geek in the Pink" by Jason Mraz - ok, Mraz in general just makes me happy and i love geeks and pink. Also "Curbside Prophet" and "Life is Wonderful"

"Tiny Dancer" by Elton John - one of the best. plus there's talk of dance and that section with the strings.

"Don't Leave Me This Way" by Thelma Houston - disco baby. infectious.

"My Sharona" by The Knack - 4 words: Janet. Reno. Dance. Party. "I said no moshing!!" plus it reminds me of freshman year and alicia.

"Build Me Up Buttercup" by The Foundations - it just makes me happy. and there was that time i tried to download it to becky's computer, but i was searching for "Fill Me Up Butter Cup". yea, i'm an idiot.

"Chariot" by Gavin Degraw - because he's my boyfriend and it reminds me of senior year term 2 when i made everyone listen to his cd all the time.

"Everybody's Got Their Something" by Nikka Costa - makes me feel good about myself and it's got a great sound. "I know that there's a time for every star to shine."

"Middle of Nowhere" by Hot Hot Heat - Los Angeles summer 2005 baby.

and while I'm at it...

"Beverly Hills" by Weezer - reminds me of my drive to work every day this past summer right through the 90210.
and
"California by Phantom Planet - sang this song for the 2 months before i left and then all the way to cali.

"Two of Of Us" by Aimee Mann - cross country drive or any car ride in the Lumina. always a good time.

"Thank You (Furlettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)" by Sly and the Family Stone - everything about this song rocks. just look at the title. then there's the killer funk sound that makes you want to put on a sweet leisure suit and walk down the street with a boom box.

"Girls Just Want to Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper - CLR memories of my favorite girls. and also to go along with that - "Boom Boom Boom Boom" by Venga Boys, "Like a Prayer" by Madonna and "Send Me On My Way" by Rusted Root. any song associated with my girls is a happy one. =)

"Pass That Dutch" by Missy Elliot - best song to walk to and reminds me of driving in the Mustang with my roommates on a saturday night to go out dancing. hoo de hoooooo!

"Clarity" by John Mayer - term 3 senior year. and the time caryn a. and i sang it on the way to Harris Hill - her only singing the oo oo oooo part.

"Land Down Under" by Men at Work - you know you want to skip to this song. great use of the flute. plus it's Australia and i miss it.

"Stop! The Love You Save May Be Your Own" by Jackson 5 - who can resist peppy, cute, little MJ instead of creepy old child molester? plus, it reminds me of teaching at the Ja'Duke dance workshop with Kim and doing the crab walk while she did her little mermaid impression.

"Amsterdam" by Guster - i love guster! just an infectious sound that makes you want to bounce. and then there are the memories of the 2 guster concerts and rocking out to it when i worked at bath and body works.

"Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim - "walk without rhythm and it won't attract the world" alicia and i freshman year. plus the video is a dancing Christopher Walken.

"Closing Time" by Semisonic - still the greatest end of the night anthem. plus, officer road trip to NYC.


other happy songs: "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/Wonderful World" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, "Doo Wop (That Thing)" by Lauren Hill, extraordinary machine by fiona apple, "Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service, "Midnight Train" by Journey (or "Separate Ways" cause the awesome 80s synthesizer), "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" by Stevie Wonder, "I Want Candy" by Bow Wow Wow, "Instant Pleasure" by Rufus Wainwright, "Did You Ever Look So Nice" by The Samples, "You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon, "A Thousand Beautiful Things" by Annie Lennox, "American Baby" by Dave Matthews Band, "Joy to the World" by Three Dog Night, "Melissa" by The Allman Brothers, "3x5" by John Mayer

ok, so the list goes on and on because I just love sharing music. but i'll stop now.


be happy. =)
be sad. =(
be yourself. s(:~P <------ me

snow day suggestions

MOVIES: Finding Neverland, if you love Peter Pan, Johnny Depp and your imagination. Just a wonderful story and beautiful film.

War of the Worlds, if you'd rather watch a Spielberg sci-fi thriller. And it is good, no matter how crazy Tom Cruise is in real life, the truth is, he can act and he does in this, alongside an always scarily talented Dakota Fanning and really great computer FX.

MUSIC: The Fray, "Over My Head (Cable Car)" It may not be on hot 100 stations yet, or whatever, but if you listen to independent or college radio (which I would highly advise) it's there and it's good. Lyric example:
And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless


TV: Charles Dicken's Bleak House on PBS. Now, before you laugh at me or get huffy because you think I'm being pretentious by suggesting something presented by public TV and Masterpiece Theatre, this TV mini-series, originally made for the BBC, has everything your mainstream TV series has, and more - a huge controversial court case, death, murder, secrets, love letters, drugs, rich people, poor people, drama, villians, creepy cemeteries, etc. (and that was just in the first two hours). The only thing I can think that it might be missing are terrorists and a deserted island. However, I do hear that later in the series there's spontaneous human combustion.

I happened upon the show last night (as I was listlessly flipping through the 13 TV stations my mom gets) and to be honest, what first drew me in was Gillian Anderson, who plays Lady Dedlock, a rich, bored Victorian woman with a secret past. I hadn't seen Anderson since The X-Files ended, so I thought I'd check it out. Now, I am hooked like its an episode of 24 or LOST. Anderson isn't the main character among the large ensemble cast of British actors, and that doesn't matter because everyone is talented and the story is compelling.

The 8 hour mini-series started last night with a two hour opener and will continue as hour spots for the next 4 Sundays and conclude on the 5th with another two hours. If you want to catch the beginning, I am sure PBS will be re-running it throughout the week. I highly recommend checking it out. As it did for me, it may change your view of period dramas and Masterpiece Theatre.

20 questions (ok, only 10)

one of the best shows on TV is Inside the Actor's Studio on BRAVO and my favorite part of that show (besides the will ferrell spoof on SNL) is james lipton's 10 questions he asks every person at the end of their interview. i think the questions are great and i've decided that since i will never have a chance to be asked those questions by mr. lipton, i will instead ask and answer them myself right here. i would encourage you to answer them as well and post it cause i'd love to read them. =)


1. What is your favorite word? enigmatic. i don't really know why. just like it i guess.

2. What is your least favorite word? cunt. i'm sorry, i didn't even want to write that there i hate it so much.

3. What turns you on? music.

4. What turns you off? ignorance and disrespect.

5. What is your favorite curse word? either shitballs, or fuck me.

6. What sound or noise do you love? the ocean.

7. What sound or noise do you hate? any metal utensil scraping against a metal pan. eeek.

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? acting.

9. What profession other than yours would you not like to do? accounting.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you reach the pearly gates? "The swings are over there, the dance studio is all ready....oh, and flashlight tag starts at 8."

soundtrack for self-deprication

in my recent attempts to just be, live in the now and be happy, i have realized how hard those things really are for me. i have the horrible habit of daydreaming of past issues and projecting on the future the worst scenarios i know will never happen, but like to occupy my mind anyway. i do not understand this need my subconscious has to imagine heartbreak and disasters, but i do know that it is so much easier just to let my mind go on its little tangents instead of reigning it in to the present, which is usually problem, heartbreak and disaster-free. however, i have to keep trying to stop these mind-benders before they start because i think the paths my mind take are unhealthy and don't do me any good except to make me sad over something that hasn't happened and probably won't. (i mean, it would be different if i found out i was psychic or something and could start using my powers to save the world, but i'm pretty sure that's not going to happen.)

at the same time, i have also come to terms with just having a day to wallow, without it becoming a regular occurrence. tonight was just such an instance. sometimes just what i need is my bed, down comforter, eeyore and a playlist with sad, heart-wrenching, beautiful music. so, if any of you also like to indulge in these moments, here is a great list of artists to source for a pity-party soundtrack:

1. Counting Crows - whatever hits home for you can probably be found in one of their songs: Round Here, Colorblind, Long December

2. Tori Amos - no one does angsty music with a pounding piano line quite like tori amos: Little Earthquakes, Me and a Gun, China, Spark, and on and on and on.

3. Aqualung - my newest addition to the crew, something about beautiful piano and soft-spoken, slightly whiny british singers that does me in: Breaking My Heart, Good Times Gonna Come, Another Little Hole

4. Coldplay - definitely my favorite, and the absolute kings of heart-break (again with the piano): What If, The Scientist, Trouble, Warning Sign

5. Elliot Smith - a talented and tragic artist, if the first lines of "Miss Misery" don't hit somewhere in your heart ("i'll fake it through the day with some help of Johnnie Walker Red, send a poison rain down the drain to put back thoughts in my head"), you are the Grinch (i.e. your heart is 5 sizes too small), also "Someone I Used to Know" is worth checking out.

6. Radiohead - may beat Coldplay out for the depression-throne, ok probably does. if i didn't choreograph dances in my head to the music, i would explode from the need to feel it all: Talk Show Host, Exit Music, Creep, Let Down, Karma Police.

7. Fiona Apple - ranges from the beautiful sad to the angry sad, the addition of sttings in some songs hit home for me, to me the violins sound like a heart bleeding: Never is a Promise, I Know, Love Ridden

Some other favorites that you probably already know: "Why" -Annie Lennox, "Brick" -Ben Folds, "The Drugs Don't Work" -originally The Verve, but also check out Ben Harper's cover, "Good Morning Heartache" -Billie Holiday, "And So it Goes" -Billy Joel, "Tiny Vessels" -Death Cab ("you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me", ouch), "Mad World" -Gary Jules, "Me and My Charms" -Kristen Hersh (those strings again), "Hallelujah" -i'm partial to Rufus Wainwright's version, "Dust in the Wind" -Kansas, "Hurt" -the johnny cash cover of NIN

the _________ ___ happiness

today while researching archetypal psychologist James Hillman (for no specific reason really), i realized that no matter what career change i have made since undergraduate school, i will always be drawn to study pieces of psychology and criminal justice. what fascinates and thrills me has not changed with a degree of a new name, i have just expanded my pool of opportunity and experience, and maybe embraced a side of myself that i did not have the confidence to pursue straight out of high school.

however, what i have also come to recall today while thinking on my psychology degree is something that someone said to me recently, after hearing that i had majored in psychology in undergrad. i cannot even recall who the person was or where i was or any of the specifics of the encounter, but the words they said still cause a pit of dislike to form in my gut. they said something to the effect that "yea, a lot of kids major in psychology because they don't know what they want." maybe psychology is a major that is seen that way, as a catch-all for everyone who doesn't want to be a liberal arts major or doesn't really want to work, but as a person who took the time and effort to take hard, non-required courses before declaring the major to make sure i was interested, and then working hard to earn a degree in the subject, i take offense to that. and i'd have to say that i know quite a few people i had classes with in school who would also find that statement annoying.

just because i have not opted for a career in that field does not mean that i chose it because i didn't know what the hell else to do with all that time in school. nor would i expect my classmates who are pursuing their graduate degrees in the subject to say they chose the field out of apathy or indecision towards declaring a major. i may not have gone to school knowing i would major in psychology, but once i started it, it was something i found extremely fascinating and still do. if i hadn't caught the creativity bug, i would probably happily be earning a masters in it right now. it is also something i don't think i have fully left behind.

people who perpetuate the stereotypes about a psychology degree are maybe taking their notions from college history and not the present day. i wonder if whoever said that to me, if speaking with my teacher friends, would have asked them, "so is it true, 'those who can, do, and those who can't, teach?'" whatever that saying does to the hearts of those of you who worked your asses off to become the under-paid, under-appreciated guides of future generations, is also the feeling i get when someone implies that my psychology degree was just something i got when i was confused.

lastly, who's to say that if you know exactly what you want to do when you start and finish college that it is what you will end up doing anyway? no one's life is that simple. no matter how certain i think i am about the place i'm headed, i'll once again find myself running in circles, cutting another path or just happily going along for the ride. i am the first one to admit that my degrees in psychology and criminal justice look kind of funny on my resume just under my M.S. in advertising. however, i will not concede that the disjointed path was due to "a kid" who didn't know what she was doing. i am happy and proud to have such a varied and interesting piece of paper that, if nothing else, brings up some questions to whoever is looking at it. "criminal justice, huh? so you could, hypothetically, arrest the people making the horrible advertisments?"

sometimes i wish. but, hypothetically, and actually, i can do, or not do, whatever i damn well please with that degree and any of the others. and happily, i will.




"Just stop for a minute and you'll realize you're happy just being. I think it's the pursuit that screws up happiness. If we drop the pursuit, it's right here." -James Hillman

a wet, hot mexican winter memory

so tonight i'm at Hurricane O'Reilly's with nicole and kevin, dancing, drinking, whatever, and this song comes on that gives me the funniest memory from my trip to cancun. please visualize this:

at the main pool in our resort there were different sports and activities for people to participate in throughout the day. every day around noon one of the event staff would lead water aerobics for anyone who wanted to join in. many of the days my mom and i did the aerobics session, which mostly consisted of jogging in the water and doing a lot of arm motions to hip hop or dance music. one of the days, i decided to sit out and continue reading my book instead, but my mom went in anyway. so i'm just laying pool-side half-listening to the music, reading my book and partially watching the pool. all of a sudden a song comes on that practically makes me fall off my chaise lounge. i look at the pool and there's my mom and about 15 other middle-aged women jumping up and down and doing arm curls to, "you gotta lick it, before you stick it, you gotta get it soft and wet so we can kick it." of course, everyone else seems oblivious to the words of the song (maybe because i'm surrounded by little kids and their parents), i hope at least the pool DJ was also finding it amusing. it was really the funniest thing and i had no one to share it with at the time. so now i'm sharing. it's probably a "you had to be there" kind of thing, but really, just picture your mom doing jazzercise to that song. priceless.

click here to see my new portfolio that will hopefully get me a job soon

so pass it along if you know anyone in advertising, marketing or graphic design. i will be your friend forEVER. or if you prefer, i'll stay away from you forEVER.

a bedtime story

once upon a time there was born to the greek gods zeus (god of all) and demeter (goddess of the earth and agriculture) a beautiful daughter who lived happily among nature and was greatly sought after by many of the gods. one day while picking flowers with the nymphs, hades (god of the underworld) arose out of a chasm in the earth and kidnapped the girl, trapping her in the underworld and making her his queen. after realizing her daughter's disappearance, demeter descended into a depression that halted life all over the earth as she searched for her missing child. helios (the omnipotent sun god) saw what had happen to the girl and quickly relayed the occurrence to her mother and father. demeter was so sad and angry that she took her emotions out on the world, making it cold and dark. zeus could not allow for the earth to suffer while demeter mourned, and demanded hades return the girl. they reached an understanding, but before she was released, hades gave her the seeds of a pomegranate and tricked her into eating some of the fruit and it bound her to always return to him. therefore, half of the year she is allowed to be with her mother on earth and the other half she must return to her post as goddess of the underworld. while she is on earth, it is a green, bright and beautiful place, but when she is with hades, her mother's grief causes the earth to become barren and bitter. the girl's name is persephone (per-sef-o-nee), and her tragic story explains why we have the seasons.

since falling in love with the name while reading the odyssey in 9th grade english i said if i have a daughter i would like to name her after persephone. funny thing is that in the dead of winter i almost feel like the mother who mourns her absence.

mexico = a lot of margaritas = clr = my girls = missing you all.

i know this is in my away message right now, but i had to put it here to keep it forever and to honor the anniversary of the first CLR (for those not in the know, CLR is Central Location Reunion and is when, on average, seven of us girls from EC 04 get together, drink margaritas, eat like shit, laugh our asses off and basically pretend we're still in college). i wish i was seeing my girls again, but everyone's busy with their lives and we know that we have weddings coming up anyway that will serve as CLRs this year. so in honor of six of my favorite ECers, here is a conversation that only they may find as amusing as kristin and i did:

RENTRENT82: seriously... these reunions were such a great idea

Chari0t13: yea and we have to try really hard to keep them up
Chari0t13: even once people start getting married and shit
Chari0t13: we need to be those old ladies that still have reunions

RENTRENT82: for real
RENTRENT82: lol yes!!!

Chari0t13: still wearing our nasty ec sweatshirts

RENTRENT82: hahaha
RENTRENT82: omg we will be a riot

Chari0t13: haha
Chari0t13: "never have i ever, broken my hip on the stairs"


RENTRENT82: LOL
RENTRENT82: omg
RENTRENT82: ahhhh

Chari0t13: "jess, you better drink double"


i love and miss you girls like crazy!

this week on, "the young and the jobless"

i have 2 degrees, yet i am unemployed with no car.

i should feel worse about this, but hell, i've got a tan and my brain is still in vacation mode. stay tuned for next week's dramatic episode when memories of blue ocean are covered by snow, my car's fate is determined and i enter freak-out mode.

oh, i also might write about cancun and post some pictures soon. that's sure to be more fun to read about than a broke, job-less, car-less panic attack. unless my problems make you happy. and in that case, enjoy the show.

extraordinary machine by fiona apple

i certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes
and i certainly haven't been spreading myself around
i still only travel by foot and by foot it's a slow climb
but i'm good at being uncomfortable so i can't stop changing all the time

i noticed that my opponent is always on the go
and won't go slow so as not to focus and i notice
he'll hitch a ride with any guide as long as they go fast from whence he came
but he's no good at being uncomfortable so he can't stop staying exactly the same

if there was a better way to go then it would find me
i can't help it the road just rolls out behind me
be kind to me or treat me mean
i'll make the most of it i'm an extraordinary machine

i seem to you to seek a new disaster every day
you deem me due to clean my view and be at peace and lay
i mean to prove i mean to move in my own way
and say i've been getting along for long before you came into the play

i am the baby of the family
it happens so everybody cares
and wears the sheeps clothes while they chaperone
curious you're looking down your nose at me while you appease
courteous to try and help but let me set your mind at ease

if there was a better way to go then it would find me
i can't help it the road just rolls out behind me
be kind to me or treat me mean
i'll make the most of it i'm an extraordinary machine

do i so worry you
you need to hurry to my side, it's very kind
but it's to no avail
i don't want the bail
i promise you everything will be just fine

if there was a better way to go then it would find me
i can't help it the road just rolls out behind me
be kind to me or treat me mean
i'll make the most of it i'm an extraordinary machine.

the sweet spot(s)

i just finished watching the movie house of d and i want to recommend it to anyone looking for a small, sweet movie with a lot of heart. it does not shake the world, but it's a genuine movie and a worthwhile way to spend a couple of hours. i will, however, put up this disclaimer: it is written and directed by david duchovny, and if you have read my blog before you will know that i have a soft spot for the man and it could be clouding my objectivity (p.s. go to that link, and no i didn't write that). so, take the recommendation for what you think it's worth, but i'd like to believe i would feel exactly the same about the movie, whoever was involved.

anyway, this movie did not have a voice when released in limited theatres, and like many small movies with little advertising backing from its studio, it got lost. so, watch it. if you enjoy it like i did, pass it on. word-of-mouth has power. (or, if you hate it, come back and yell at me. at least i'll know for sure that someone is reading this. you lurkers out there must have something to say.) also, if you're interested, david has his own director's blog on the lion's gate film website.

while i'm at it, here are a few other recommendations i have to pass on:

music: raul midon, joe purdy, motion city soundtrack

book: the turn of the screw by henry james.

perfume: soul by curve


yea, that's about it. good night. =)



"A man is only a man when he can be himself wherever he is."
-House of D

paracelsus or a three-toed sloth?

At times I almost dream
I too have spent a life the sages' way,
And tread once more familiar paths. Perchance
I perished in an arrogant self-reliance
Ages ago; and in that act a prayer
For one more chance went up so earnest, so
Instinct with better light let in by death,
That life was blotted out -- not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it remain,
Dim memories, as now, when once more seems
The goal in sight again.

-"Paracelsus," Robert Browning


during my freshman year of high school my english teacher was really into poetry and for one of our first assignments he made us read elizabeth barrett browning's "sonnets from the portuguese." while it seemed a daunting reading task for a 14-year-old who had yet to experience many of the emotions being expressed within the passages, i quickly took to the sonnets as well as the rest of the collection of poems within browning's book. the book i had bought i found at a used bookstore, and it also included other poems of both elizabeth and her husband robert browning. since then, i have had an affinity for this collection with its old binding and yellowed pages, and even after we had finished studying the sonnets in class i continued to read from the book every night before bed, trying to decipher the meanings of the poems (yes, i really am that big of a dork.).

one of robert's poems that i took a liking to is called "paracelsus" (1835) and is a long dramatic poem that i mostly did not understand at the time and still probably do not grasp entirely. it is written by browning to be a narrative from the famous 16th century chemist paracelsus, and focuses more on the mysticism surrounding his study of the natural world and his search for "sacred knowledge" than on strict facts of science. in paracelsus' day, science and alchemy were its own forms of magic that most people only understood as mystical practices anyway. the passage from "paracelsus" that i have quoted at the beginning of this entry deals with the idea of reincarnation or rebirth, and was the catalyst for my thoughts today.

back during the same time freshman year, an episode of the x-files aired called "the field where i died." (i know you're "surprised" that this has come around to me talking about my favorite show of all time, but try to stick with me here anyway.) this episode deals with the idea of past lives and reincarnation as a possible explanation for dissociative identity disorder (multiple personalities) and the strong bonds people can feel with others whom they've barely just met: "souls come back together; different but always together, again and again to learn...evil returns as evil, but love, souls mate eternal" (mulder). while i knew that this was the hollywood romanticized version of some aspects of eastern religious beliefs, i couldn't help but be taken by it. something about the whole idea really captured my attention and made me think about rebirth and being able to hold on to things you had learned in another time, so as to hopefully not repeat the same mistakes.

in both the beginning and the end of the episode, there is a voiceover of mulder reciting what sounds like part of a poem. immediately following the episode, there was rumor that it had actually been written by david duchovny himself (not entirely a stretch for someone with a degree from princeton in english literature). however, to me it seemed familiar, and as i have never been one to just let something like that be, i did a search for the passage on the internet. i discovered that the poem was not only not written by duchovny, but that it was, in fact, the aforementioned passage from browning's "paracelsus" that i had so recently been reading.

well, since i was obsessed with all things x-files related, you can imagine that i was more than a little excited with this coincidence, and it fueled my interest in the episode's ideas even more. i think i can even remember writing something about it down in my diary, which is a pretty big deal since i wrote in there probably once a year, at most.

of course, high school happens, and with my busy schedule i didn't exactly stick with the pursuit of these ideas, nor would i have ever brought it up in conversation with my family or friends (i was enough of a dork already, philosophizing about reincarnation at the lunch table probably wouldn't have helped). however, i still continued to read the poetry of both brownings, and the book was even among one of the only ones i packed with me to bring to college my freshman year and every year after. even today, in the closet-sized bedroom of my apartment that can only fit the smallest bookshelf imaginable, in between the new media monopoly and mcluhan sits the old, navy-blue, clothbound book of "best known poems."

it has been a while since i thumbed through the book, but i never really forgot browning or the idea of reincarnation that sparked my interest; i just never actively researched the true nature of those beliefs. that is, until about two months ago when i began to study the ideas of buddhism in order to find another way to be spiritual besides the, so far, personally unfulfilling christianity of my upbringing. although, surprising, even once I started my research and came upon the buddhist beliefs about rebirth, i failed to remember and connect the ideas to my prior experience with both browning's poem and the x-files episode (yes, i forgot an x-files episode. i know, it's craziness.).

so today I came home from basically my last college course ever (!!!), sat down to watch tv and happened upon a rerun of that same thought-provoking episode. like before, i was fascinated with the ideas presented and recognized its, once again, timely appearance into my life. i know that to most of you it seems like i am reading far too much into these coincidences and that i am seeing what i want to see. but i have come to realize, maybe through my own life experiences and a little through my recent studies on buddhism, that more things in our life are connected than we realize and give credit to. if priests and nuns can get "callings" to study the word of god, can i not also see signs to point me towards the study of my own spiritual path?

maybe not. i don't know. maybe it doesn't have as much to do with the signs actually being there as me thinking that they might be. and maybe rebirth is a bunch of crap, but i don't see how faith in it is that much different than believing there is a beautiful place beyond life on earth. i also do not believe that i will possibly come back as a three-toed sloth in my next life (an idea buddhism does not teach either). i think that i just like something about the idea that parts of the energy and significant experiences that make us ourselves are not lost when we die, but come back to keep improving and learning until we are able to reach a state of perfect knowledge. in the end, to me, the implications of such a belief are the same as what i would consider to be the best message of christianity - lead a noble, balanced, moral life and you will be rewarded.

confucius say: amen.


At times I almost dream
I too have spent a life the sages' way,
And tread once more familiar paths. Perchance
I perished in an arrogant self-reliance
Ages ago; and in that act a prayer
For one more chance went up so earnest, so
Instinct with better light let in by death,
That life was blotted out -- not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it remain,
Dim memories, as now, when once more seems
The goal in sight again.

you know what really grinds my gears?

stupid ho dolls.

yup, that's right. stupid-slutty-ass-ho dolls. and i'm not talking blow-up dolls here. no i'm talking about dolls marketed to little kids who would love nothing more than to also don an ass skirt and thigh-highs once they reach high school and most likely before. and then society pauses to wonder why kids are growing up so quickly these days. well, gee, i think we might need a dateline investigation into this one. or maybe stone phillips could just drag himself to toys r us and pick up some bratz.

have you seen these dolls? i've seen them before, on commercials, in the store, maybe even at houses i've babysat at, but i've never really stopped to look at them. that is, not until i had to devise an advertising plan to gain back the fashion doll market share for poor, wholesome, neglected barbie. those damn bratz are stepping on her toes (or at least they would be if her molded plastic feet weren't perpetually the shape of a stilleto). apparently around age 7 kids are abandoning barbie and turning to the much hipper, street-styled, "hooker-chic" bratz. and when they're called hooker-chic that's really not an over-statement.

during my research for the plan, i read articles about this barbie-bratz war that has plastic panties at Mattel all in a bunch. i also visited the web sites of both dolls to see 1) what i'm having to advertise and 2) what the competition is all about. that is when i really got a good look at these bratz in all their forms - rock star, snow boarder, soccer player, etc. and what i learned was that in any form they may take, the essense of bratz is that they are stupid little hos!! they are obviously crafted to look like teenagers but are wearing outfits that if i saw them on my college campus, on a saturday night, on halloween i would think: "who's a ho?!"

oh, and the kicker to my visit to the bratz site is the off-shoot of the normal bratz that they now sell called baby bratz. these are dolls still in diapers wearing belly shirts and leather!! ahhhhh!! i guess that's what happens when mom bratz is 13-years-old. i wonder where baby-daddy bratz is at? i heard he's been going around with skipper. there always was something a little slutty about that girl, even if she is barbie's sister.





lord save us all.