Tuesday, December 06, 2005

you know what really grinds my gears?

stupid ho dolls.

yup, that's right. stupid-slutty-ass-ho dolls. and i'm not talking blow-up dolls here. no i'm talking about dolls marketed to little kids who would love nothing more than to also don an ass skirt and thigh-highs once they reach high school and most likely before. and then society pauses to wonder why kids are growing up so quickly these days. well, gee, i think we might need a dateline investigation into this one. or maybe stone phillips could just drag himself to toys r us and pick up some bratz.

have you seen these dolls? i've seen them before, on commercials, in the store, maybe even at houses i've babysat at, but i've never really stopped to look at them. that is, not until i had to devise an advertising plan to gain back the fashion doll market share for poor, wholesome, neglected barbie. those damn bratz are stepping on her toes (or at least they would be if her molded plastic feet weren't perpetually the shape of a stilleto). apparently around age 7 kids are abandoning barbie and turning to the much hipper, street-styled, "hooker-chic" bratz. and when they're called hooker-chic that's really not an over-statement.

during my research for the plan, i read articles about this barbie-bratz war that has plastic panties at Mattel all in a bunch. i also visited the web sites of both dolls to see 1) what i'm having to advertise and 2) what the competition is all about. that is when i really got a good look at these bratz in all their forms - rock star, snow boarder, soccer player, etc. and what i learned was that in any form they may take, the essense of bratz is that they are stupid little hos!! they are obviously crafted to look like teenagers but are wearing outfits that if i saw them on my college campus, on a saturday night, on halloween i would think: "who's a ho?!"

oh, and the kicker to my visit to the bratz site is the off-shoot of the normal bratz that they now sell called baby bratz. these are dolls still in diapers wearing belly shirts and leather!! ahhhhh!! i guess that's what happens when mom bratz is 13-years-old. i wonder where baby-daddy bratz is at? i heard he's been going around with skipper. there always was something a little slutty about that girl, even if she is barbie's sister.

lord save us all.

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