i certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes
and i certainly haven't been spreading myself around
i still only travel by foot and by foot it's a slow climb
but i'm good at being uncomfortable so i can't stop changing all the time
i noticed that my opponent is always on the go
and won't go slow so as not to focus and i notice
he'll hitch a ride with any guide as long as they go fast from whence he came
but he's no good at being uncomfortable so he can't stop staying exactly the same
if there was a better way to go then it would find me
i can't help it the road just rolls out behind me
be kind to me or treat me mean
i'll make the most of it i'm an extraordinary machine
i seem to you to seek a new disaster every day
you deem me due to clean my view and be at peace and lay
i mean to prove i mean to move in my own way
and say i've been getting along for long before you came into the play
i am the baby of the family
it happens so everybody cares
and wears the sheeps clothes while they chaperone
curious you're looking down your nose at me while you appease
courteous to try and help but let me set your mind at ease
if there was a better way to go then it would find me
i can't help it the road just rolls out behind me
be kind to me or treat me mean
i'll make the most of it i'm an extraordinary machine
do i so worry you
you need to hurry to my side, it's very kind
but it's to no avail
i don't want the bail
i promise you everything will be just fine
if there was a better way to go then it would find me
i can't help it the road just rolls out behind me
be kind to me or treat me mean
i'll make the most of it i'm an extraordinary machine.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Saturday, December 10, 2005
the sweet spot(s)
i just finished watching the movie house of d and i want to recommend it to anyone looking for a small, sweet movie with a lot of heart. it does not shake the world, but it's a genuine movie and a worthwhile way to spend a couple of hours. i will, however, put up this disclaimer: it is written and directed by david duchovny, and if you have read my blog before you will know that i have a soft spot for the man and it could be clouding my objectivity (p.s. go to that link, and no i didn't write that). so, take the recommendation for what you think it's worth, but i'd like to believe i would feel exactly the same about the movie, whoever was involved.
anyway, this movie did not have a voice when released in limited theatres, and like many small movies with little advertising backing from its studio, it got lost. so, watch it. if you enjoy it like i did, pass it on. word-of-mouth has power. (or, if you hate it, come back and yell at me. at least i'll know for sure that someone is reading this. you lurkers out there must have something to say.) also, if you're interested, david has his own director's blog on the lion's gate film website.
while i'm at it, here are a few other recommendations i have to pass on:
music: raul midon, joe purdy, motion city soundtrack
book: the turn of the screw by henry james.
perfume: soul by curve
yea, that's about it. good night. =)
"A man is only a man when he can be himself wherever he is."
-House of D
Thursday, December 08, 2005
paracelsus or a three-toed sloth?
At times I almost dream
I too have spent a life the sages' way,
And tread once more familiar paths. Perchance
I perished in an arrogant self-reliance
Ages ago; and in that act a prayer
For one more chance went up so earnest, so
Instinct with better light let in by death,
That life was blotted out -- not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it remain,
Dim memories, as now, when once more seems
The goal in sight again.
-"Paracelsus," Robert Browning
during my freshman year of high school my english teacher was really into poetry and for one of our first assignments he made us read elizabeth barrett browning's "sonnets from the portuguese." while it seemed a daunting reading task for a 14-year-old who had yet to experience many of the emotions being expressed within the passages, i quickly took to the sonnets as well as the rest of the collection of poems within browning's 
book. the book i had bought i found at a used bookstore, and it also included other poems of both elizabeth and her husband robert browning. since then, i have had an affinity for this collection with its old binding and yellowed pages, and even after we had finished studying the sonnets in class i continued to read from the book every night before bed, trying to decipher the meanings of the poems (yes, i really am that big of a dork.).
one of robert's poems that i took a liking to is called "paracelsus" (1835) and is a long
dramatic poem that i mostly did not understand at the time and still probably do not grasp entirely. it is written by browning to be a narrative from the famous 16th century chemist paracelsus, and focuses more on the mysticism surrounding his study of the natural world and his search for "sacred knowledge" than on strict facts of science. in paracelsus' day, science and alchemy were its own forms of magic that most people only understood as mystical practices anyway. the passage from "paracelsus" that i have quoted at the beginning of this entry deals with the idea of reincarnation or rebirth, and was the catalyst for my thoughts today.
back during the same time freshman year, an episode of the x-files aired called "the field where i died." (i know you're "surprised" that this has come around to me talking about my favorite show of all time, but try to stick with me here anyway.) this episode deals with the idea of past lives and reincarnation as a possible explanation for dissociative identity disorder (multiple personalities) and the strong bonds people can feel with others whom they've barely just met: "souls come back together; different but always together, again and again to learn...evil returns as evil, but love, souls mate eternal" (mulder). while i knew that this was the hollywood romanticized version of some aspects of eastern religious beliefs, i couldn't help but be taken by it. something about the whole idea really captured my attention and made me think about rebirth and being able to hold on to things you had learned in another time, so as to hopefully not repeat the same mistakes.
in both the beginning and the end of the episode, there is a voiceover of mulder reciting what sounds like part of a poem. immediately following the episode, there was rumor that it had actually been written by david duchovny himself (not entirely a stretch for someone with a degree from princeton in english literature). however, to me it seemed familiar, and as i have never been one to just let something like that be, i did a search for the passage on the internet. i discovered that the poem was not only not written by duchovny, but that it was, in fact, the aforementioned passage from browning's "paracelsus" that i had so recently been reading.
well, since i was obsessed with all things x-files related, you can imagine that i was more than a little excited with this coincidence, and it fueled my interest in the episode's ideas even more. i think i can even remember writing something about it down in my diary, which is a pretty big deal since i wrote in there probably once a year, at most.
of course, high school happens, and with my busy schedule i didn't exactly stick with the pursuit of these ideas, nor would i have ever brought it up in conversation with my family or friends (i was enough of a dork already, philosophizing about reincarnation at the lunch table probably wouldn't have helped). however, i still continued to read the poetry of both brownings, and the book was even among one of the only ones i packed with me to bring to college my freshman year and every year after. even today, in the closet-sized bedroom of my apartment that can only fit the smallest bookshelf imaginable, in between the new media monopoly and mcluhan sits the old, navy-blue, clothbound book of "best known poems."
it has been a while since i thumbed through the book, but i never really forgot browning or the idea of reincarnation that sparked my interest; i just never actively researched the true nature of those beliefs. that is, until about two months ago when i began to study the ideas of buddhism in order to find another way to be spiritual besides the, so far, personally unfulfilling christianity of my upbringing. although, surprising, even once I started my research and came upon the buddhist beliefs about rebirth, i failed to remember and connect the ideas to my prior experience with both browning's poem and the x-files episode (yes, i forgot an x-files episode. i know, it's craziness.).
so today I came home from basically my last college course ever (!!!), sat down to watch tv and happened upon a rerun of that same thought-provoking episode. like before, i was fascinated with the ideas presented and recognized its, once again, timely appearance into my life. i know that to most of you it seems like i am reading far too much into these coincidences and that i am seeing what i want to see. but i have come to realize, maybe through my own life experiences and a little through my recent studies on buddhism, that more things in our life are connected than we realize and give credit to. if priests and nuns can get "callings" to study the word of god, can i not also see signs to point me towards the study of my own spiritual path?
maybe not. i don't know. maybe it doesn't have as much to do with the signs actually being there as me thinking that they might be. and maybe rebirth is a bunch of crap, but i don't see how faith in it is that much different than believing there is a beautiful place beyond life on earth. i also do not believe that i will possibly come back as a three-toed sloth in my next life (an idea buddhism does not teach either). i think that i just like something about the idea that parts of the energy and significant experiences that make us ourselves are not lost when we die, but come back to keep improving and learning until we are able to reach a state of perfect knowledge. in the end, to me, the implications of such a belief are the same as what i would consider to be the best message of christianity - lead a noble, balanced, moral life and you will be rewarded.
confucius say: amen.
At times I almost dream
I too have spent a life the sages' way,
And tread once more familiar paths. Perchance
I perished in an arrogant self-reliance
Ages ago; and in that act a prayer
For one more chance went up so earnest, so
Instinct with better light let in by death,
That life was blotted out -- not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it remain,
Dim memories, as now, when once more seems
The goal in sight again.
I too have spent a life the sages' way,
And tread once more familiar paths. Perchance
I perished in an arrogant self-reliance
Ages ago; and in that act a prayer
For one more chance went up so earnest, so
Instinct with better light let in by death,
That life was blotted out -- not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it remain,
Dim memories, as now, when once more seems
The goal in sight again.
-"Paracelsus," Robert Browning
during my freshman year of high school my english teacher was really into poetry and for one of our first assignments he made us read elizabeth barrett browning's "sonnets from the portuguese." while it seemed a daunting reading task for a 14-year-old who had yet to experience many of the emotions being expressed within the passages, i quickly took to the sonnets as well as the rest of the collection of poems within browning's 
book. the book i had bought i found at a used bookstore, and it also included other poems of both elizabeth and her husband robert browning. since then, i have had an affinity for this collection with its old binding and yellowed pages, and even after we had finished studying the sonnets in class i continued to read from the book every night before bed, trying to decipher the meanings of the poems (yes, i really am that big of a dork.). one of robert's poems that i took a liking to is called "paracelsus" (1835) and is a long
dramatic poem that i mostly did not understand at the time and still probably do not grasp entirely. it is written by browning to be a narrative from the famous 16th century chemist paracelsus, and focuses more on the mysticism surrounding his study of the natural world and his search for "sacred knowledge" than on strict facts of science. in paracelsus' day, science and alchemy were its own forms of magic that most people only understood as mystical practices anyway. the passage from "paracelsus" that i have quoted at the beginning of this entry deals with the idea of reincarnation or rebirth, and was the catalyst for my thoughts today.
back during the same time freshman year, an episode of the x-files aired called "the field where i died." (i know you're "surprised" that this has come around to me talking about my favorite show of all time, but try to stick with me here anyway.) this episode deals with the idea of past lives and reincarnation as a possible explanation for dissociative identity disorder (multiple personalities) and the strong bonds people can feel with others whom they've barely just met: "souls come back together; different but always together, again and again to learn...evil returns as evil, but love, souls mate eternal" (mulder). while i knew that this was the hollywood romanticized version of some aspects of eastern religious beliefs, i couldn't help but be taken by it. something about the whole idea really captured my attention and made me think about rebirth and being able to hold on to things you had learned in another time, so as to hopefully not repeat the same mistakes.in both the beginning and the end of the episode, there is a voiceover of mulder reciting what sounds like part of a poem. immediately following the episode, there was rumor that it had actually been written by david duchovny himself (not entirely a stretch for someone with a degree from princeton in english literature). however, to me it seemed familiar, and as i have never been one to just let something like that be, i did a search for the passage on the internet. i discovered that the poem was not only not written by duchovny, but that it was, in fact, the aforementioned passage from browning's "paracelsus" that i had so recently been reading.
well, since i was obsessed with all things x-files related, you can imagine that i was more than a little excited with this coincidence, and it fueled my interest in the episode's ideas even more. i think i can even remember writing something about it down in my diary, which is a pretty big deal since i wrote in there probably once a year, at most.
of course, high school happens, and with my busy schedule i didn't exactly stick with the pursuit of these ideas, nor would i have ever brought it up in conversation with my family or friends (i was enough of a dork already, philosophizing about reincarnation at the lunch table probably wouldn't have helped). however, i still continued to read the poetry of both brownings, and the book was even among one of the only ones i packed with me to bring to college my freshman year and every year after. even today, in the closet-sized bedroom of my apartment that can only fit the smallest bookshelf imaginable, in between the new media monopoly and mcluhan sits the old, navy-blue, clothbound book of "best known poems."
it has been a while since i thumbed through the book, but i never really forgot browning or the idea of reincarnation that sparked my interest; i just never actively researched the true nature of those beliefs. that is, until about two months ago when i began to study the ideas of buddhism in order to find another way to be spiritual besides the, so far, personally unfulfilling christianity of my upbringing. although, surprising, even once I started my research and came upon the buddhist beliefs about rebirth, i failed to remember and connect the ideas to my prior experience with both browning's poem and the x-files episode (yes, i forgot an x-files episode. i know, it's craziness.).so today I came home from basically my last college course ever (!!!), sat down to watch tv and happened upon a rerun of that same thought-provoking episode. like before, i was fascinated with the ideas presented and recognized its, once again, timely appearance into my life. i know that to most of you it seems like i am reading far too much into these coincidences and that i am seeing what i want to see. but i have come to realize, maybe through my own life experiences and a little through my recent studies on buddhism, that more things in our life are connected than we realize and give credit to. if priests and nuns can get "callings" to study the word of god, can i not also see signs to point me towards the study of my own spiritual path?
maybe not. i don't know. maybe it doesn't have as much to do with the signs actually being there as me thinking that they might be. and maybe rebirth is a bunch of crap, but i don't see how faith in it is that much different than believing there is a beautiful place beyond life on earth. i also do not believe that i will possibly come back as a three-toed sloth in my next life (an idea buddhism does not teach either). i think that i just like something about the idea that parts of the energy and significant experiences that make us ourselves are not lost when we die, but come back to keep improving and learning until we are able to reach a state of perfect knowledge. in the end, to me, the implications of such a belief are the same as what i would consider to be the best message of christianity - lead a noble, balanced, moral life and you will be rewarded. confucius say: amen.
At times I almost dream
I too have spent a life the sages' way,
And tread once more familiar paths. Perchance
I perished in an arrogant self-reliance
Ages ago; and in that act a prayer
For one more chance went up so earnest, so
Instinct with better light let in by death,
That life was blotted out -- not so completely
But scattered wrecks enough of it remain,
Dim memories, as now, when once more seems
The goal in sight again.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
you know what really grinds my gears?
stupid ho dolls.
yup, that's right. stupid-slutty-ass-ho dolls. and i'm not talking blow-up dolls here. no i'm talking about dolls marketed to little kids who would love nothing more than to also don an ass skirt and thigh-highs once they reach high school and most likely before. and then society pauses to wonder why kids are growing up so quickly these days. well, gee, i think we might need a dateline investigation into this one. or maybe stone phillips could just drag himself to toys r us and pick up some bratz.
have you seen these dolls? i've seen them before, on commercials, in the store, maybe even at houses i've babysat at, but i've never really stopped to look at them. that is, not until i had to devise an advertising plan to gain back the fashion doll market share for poor, wholesome, neglected barbie. those damn bratz are stepping on her toes (or at least they would be if her molded plastic feet weren't perpetually the shape of a stilleto). apparently around age 7 kids are abandoning barbie and turning to the much hipper, street-styled, "hooker-chic" bratz. and when they're called hooker-chic that's really not an over-statement.
during my research for the plan, i read articles about this barbie-bratz war that has plastic panties at Mattel all in a bunch. i also visited the web sites of both dolls to see 1) what i'm having to advertise and 2) what the competition is all about. that is when i really got a good look at these bratz in all their forms - rock star, snow boarder, soccer player, etc. and what i learned was that in any form they may take, the essense of bratz is that they are stupid little hos!! they are obviously crafted to look like teenagers but are wearing outfits that if i saw them on my college campus, on a saturday night, on halloween i would think: "who's a ho?!"
oh, and the kicker to my visit to the bratz site is the off-shoot of the normal bratz that they now sell called baby bratz. these are dolls still in diapers wearing belly shirts and leather!! ahhhhh!! i guess that's what happens when mom bratz is 13-years-old. i wonder where baby-daddy bratz is at? i heard he's been going around with skipper. there always was something a little slutty about that girl, even if she is barbie's sister.
lord save us all.
yup, that's right. stupid-slutty-ass-ho dolls. and i'm not talking blow-up dolls here. no i'm talking about dolls marketed to little kids who would love nothing more than to also don an ass skirt and thigh-highs once they reach high school and most likely before. and then society pauses to wonder why kids are growing up so quickly these days. well, gee, i think we might need a dateline investigation into this one. or maybe stone phillips could just drag himself to toys r us and pick up some bratz.
have you seen these dolls? i've seen them before, on commercials, in the store, maybe even at houses i've babysat at, but i've never really stopped to look at them. that is, not until i had to devise an advertising plan to gain back the fashion doll market share for poor, wholesome, neglected barbie. those damn bratz are stepping on her toes (or at least they would be if her molded plastic feet weren't perpetually the shape of a stilleto). apparently around age 7 kids are abandoning barbie and turning to the much hipper, street-styled, "hooker-chic" bratz. and when they're called hooker-chic that's really not an over-statement. 
during my research for the plan, i read articles about this barbie-bratz war that has plastic panties at Mattel all in a bunch. i also visited the web sites of both dolls to see 1) what i'm having to advertise and 2) what the competition is all about. that is when i really got a good look at these bratz in all their forms - rock star, snow boarder, soccer player, etc. and what i learned was that in any form they may take, the essense of bratz is that they are stupid little hos!! they are obviously crafted to look like teenagers but are wearing outfits that if i saw them on my college campus, on a saturday night, on halloween i would think: "who's a ho?!" 
oh, and the kicker to my visit to the bratz site is the off-shoot of the normal bratz that they now sell called baby bratz. these are dolls still in diapers wearing belly shirts and leather!! ahhhhh!! i guess that's what happens when mom bratz is 13-years-old. i wonder where baby-daddy bratz is at? i heard he's been going around with skipper. there always was something a little slutty about that girl, even if she is barbie's sister.
lord save us all.
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