I Hate People

Especially those that try to ruin their kid's life by attempting to name them something totally ridiculous just to challenge the status quo and see how far they can stretch their rights.

Stop using your kid to prove to the world how much of a douchebag you are. I'm sure you were doing well enough on your own.

Warning: Bad Language, Boobies and Spoilers Ensue

I just watched the youngest girl from The Nanny have full-frontal fake sex with David Duchovny while punching him in the face. Also, her character is supposed to be 16-years old. (Ooopsie statutory!) And guess what?! I freakin loved it! Well, not so much the part(s) with the boobies, but I understand their place in an adult show because, let's be honest, people have sex naked. And if you can't take a boob or two in a show for adults then you just might be one (A boob, I mean. Certainly not an adult).

Based on the pilot, I think Californication is going to be a slam dunk for Showtime. Not only does it have a strong lead-in (Weeds), but the pilot crammed more humor, drama, family conflict, sex and real emotion in one half hour than I've seen a network show fit into a whole season. Duchovny's character is tragically interesting and strangely irresistible; you hate who he is and what he's doing, but you can't help but root for him to pull it together. The new anti-hero. I can't wait to see what he'll fuck up next.


That's right. I just remembered! I don't get Showtime, I get HBO. Grrrr.

And what of HBO? I think they better step it up. No more Sopranos, no SATC and as far as I'm concerned Entourage is an overly popular second-rate show slowly taking an L.A. style digger (Exhibit A: Medellin). I'm sorry to all of those who watch the show to live vicariously through Vince and Drama, but it has to be said: Entourage. is. not. that. great. (ALSO, You. will. never. get. hot. LA. movie star. chicks.)

I will give HBO points for Flight of the Conchords though. That is some funny shiznittle. Especially dream David Bowie. HI-larious!

Anyway, whoever gets Showtime is my new BFF. So, call me because we should totally get together, hmm let's say every Monday from 10:30 to 11:00 starting on August 13th.

Proof that Sexy First Came Back in 2001 and Justin Had Nothing to Do With It

Justin in 2001:

Not sexy.

Christopher Walken in 2001:

Case closed.

Celebracion "El Labirinto del Fauno"

Tengo aconseje para usted: Mire Pan's Labyrinth.

It may not be a happy movie; it may be dark, startling brutal at times and intense, but it is worth living through. Just make sure you have the time to process it once it's over. This isn't a movie you leave behind right away. At least I didn't. For me, this movie was like director Guillermo del Toro was giving me a small dose of what it must have felt like for the people of Spain during Franco's rule and the Spanish Civil War. There is never a moment of security for the characters or the audience. Even in the fantasy world of 11-year-old Ofelia, there is a darkness and intensity that never settles or comforts. It is a movie that is both frightening and beautiful in only the way a fairy-tale is able.

For a more thorough review that I couldn't have said better myself see Roger Ebert's page.

I also have to say that young Ivana Baquero who plays Ofelia should have been nominated for an Oscar. I think if this movie were from the U.S. she would have been. I loved Abigail Breslin in Little Miss Sunshine and believe she deserved the nom she recieved, but because of the type of movie Pan's was, Baquero's performance needed to be, and was, on a whole other level. For instance, take note of the scene of Ofelia, ear pressed against her mother's pregnant belly, making a heart-wrenching promise to her unborn baby brother. Half the adult actresses who make their living in Hollywood could not find and portray the emotional truth in this scene as well as her.

¡Excelente!



The image of the Pan's Labyrinth poster was taken from Wikipedia where you can find its copywrite information. No infringement intended.

The Most Hate-Filled, Disrespectful, Ignorant Thing I Have Heard in a Long Time

Below is the rotten shit that poured forth from former Miami Heat point guard Tim Hardaway's mouth during a recent radio show interview. The hosts were discussing the coming-out of former NBA player John Amaechi and the release of his autobiography.

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people," Hardaway said while a guest on Sports Talk 790 The Ticket in Miami. "I'm homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

The host asked Hardaway how he would interact with a gay teammate.

"First of all, I wouldn't want him on my team. And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that is right. I don't think he should be in the locker room while we are in the locker room."

If he did find out that a teammate was gay, Hardaway said he would ask for the player to be removed from the team.

"Something has to give," Hardaway said. "If you have 12 other ballplayers in your locker room that's upset and can't concentrate and always worried about him in the locker room or on the court or whatever, it's going to be hard for your teammates to win and accept him as a teammate." SI.com

And here is his "apology" regarding the incident:

"Yes, I regret it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said I hate gay people or anything like that," he said. "That was my mistake."

The NBA also issued a statement where they duly noted the "disparity between his views and ours."

Way to really put your foot down and take a strong stance on the issue NBA. You don't necessarily condone homophobia, but hell, you're not about to condemn it either! You wouldn't want to alienate your target audience now would you?

Well NBA, here's an exercise for you: read the same quote and every time you see the words "gay" or "homophobic" replace them with "black" and "racist". I'll give you a minute......

Sounds like we're back in the 40s or 50s doesn't it? Can you imagine the public outrage and strong dissenting statement the NBA would have issued if THAT were to come out of someones mouth on a radio show interview today? And rightly so. It is offensive and racist. Well, so is the real version.

It is a disconcerting and horrifying reminder of the lengths this country still needs to go in the "all men created equal" department. You would think that 231 years would be enough to get it right, but we are obviously so far off from that it is ridiculous.

So, in this month to celebrate black history and the strides society has taken in the fight for equal rights, let's not forget how far we still need to go, for the sake of all people.

A Giant Step Backward for Woman-Kind

And her name is Ms. Dewey.

She is the new interactive search engine from Microsoft that is part of their new Windows Live online service that is trying to compete with Google. She looks like Jessica Alba and acts like Dwight Schrute. So basically she is hot and FUCKING ANNOYING!

When you type something into her search box (I'm brewing a really dirty joke about this right now), she makes comments about the thing you're searching about. Honestly, it is pretty interesting and amazing. For like 5 minutes. Then you start to wonder what else this sleek interface is supposed to do. When you stop searching for stuff she starts to get impatient and will either tap on your monitor screen or start acting like a whore trying to entice you into using her (once again, another dirty joke in the making).

She's the hot librarian you'll never, ever have. And if you did get her, you'd only like her for a day because eventually you'd realize how annoying she is.

The only step-forward this program is making is in its technology. The searching is basically the same, but the interface has got bells, whistles and a bitchy chick with a low cut top. Thank you again computer nerds for:

1) making all your dreams come true, and

2) giving Ms. Dewey the feature that men wish every woman came with and one that I'm just happy this one specifically comes with: a Mute button.

Hello, Dolly

The FDA recently made the decision that food products which come from cloned animals do not need special labels at the supermarket. They say there is no difference at all between the original cow/sheep/pig than its clone, and there are no health risks associated with eating these animals. You can read the whole CNN article here.

I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this. My first reaction is to be creeped out. It has been over 10 years since Dolly the sheep showed up in the news, and that is a lot of time for cloning technologies to evolve and become more widespread. However, to me it still sounds like
something from a sci-fi movie, and a horrible made-for-tv one by the Sci-Fi channel at that. I don't understand the science behind it and therefore I fear it and its possibilities.

I also wonder about the safety of eating so much food that comes from a science lab. And I'm not just talking clones here. Almost all of our meats are genetically altered in some way - to make the cows produce more milk, pigs be meatier and chickens create more and larger eggs. None of this food is labeled either. Your bacon does not have a warning on it that says - "From a genetically enhanced pig." and your milk doesn't say "Now with more bovine growth hormones!". So I guess if that is the standard they've set, why would they start with labeling cloned food?

Cloned. Food. Just let that sink in. If the idea of eating an exact genetic copy of another animal made by scientists in a test tube does not creep you out even a little bit and make you seriously consider being a vegetarian, then you should just sign up for Fear Factor right now, because you would win.

I have never tried to be a vegetarian before. I know those little piggies and moo moos are cute, and I have heard the many horror stories about how they are raised, but I have decided that 1) I am not selfish about much in my life, so I can have a clear conscious about being selfish about my place on the food chain (and anyone with a problem with it can choke on a big fat carrot stick); and 2) those animals are mighty tasty! Mmmm boy!

I am, however, getting increasingly concerned about the safety of many foods (even fruits and vegetables with all their pesticidal goodness), and see that even being a vegetarian may not even be the way to solve this problem. The only hope is that someday soon my financial situation will allow me to buy all organics, and that eventually they will be affordable for everyone.

Until then I guess it's going to be:

Hello, Dolly
Well hello, Dolly
It's so nice to have you back where you belong
You're lookin' swell, Dolly
We can tell, Dolly
You're still glowin', you'rs still crowin'
You're still goin' strong.


Picture of Dolly taken from Wikipedia, click on the image to see full credits.

Is Xenu for You? Find Out With a Free Stress Test!

Thanks to Tom Cruise, almost everyone not living under a rock has heard of the Church of Scientology. I've heard it ridiculed, I've seen the "Free Stress Test" people, and I know a small amount about it (basically that it is based around the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard - a former sci-fi author, there are some strange ideas and practices surrounding it, they don't condone psychological practices, and celebrities like to hop on the Scientology-wagon and then jump on couches).

Really, it all seems a little crazy and cult-like. However, before I totally made up my mind about the group, I decided I had to at least become more informed about what they are really all about. That's when I realized that it is almost impossible to find something written on Scientology that is impartial. There are either sites sponsored by the Church of Scientology that are obviously not going to bring up any problems with the religion, and there are sites extremely opposed to the religion and only talk about the negatives.

The site that comes closest to impartiality is definitely Wikipedia. Whoever wrote the article, at least brought up the church's denial of their stranger practices. But just for the sake of showing you something really interesting, here is a segment from the Wikipedia article that talks about advanced teachings that have supposedly leaked out of the church (although the church claims they have been taken out of context and distorted by the media and dissenters in order to make the group look bad). However, I'm not aware of a way that this could ever be in context and not still sound crazy:

"Xenu (sometimes Xemu) is introduced as an alien ruler of the "Galactic Confederacy" who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living."

Say what?!

I'm not exactly a true-believer of everything in the Bible either, but Xenu and Friends goes FAR beyond the realms of belief suspension I can accomplish. If I have trouble believing that two of every animal on the earth sat on a giant boat for 40 days and didn't tear each other apart, the step in Scientology where I have to accept the teachings of the Galactic Confederacy might be a little tough for me too.

My other strike against Scientology is that the list of celebrities who have left the church includes one Charles Manson. You've got to be a little weary of a religion that is even too much for that guy to handle.

I still recommend you research it on your own though, and come to your own conclusions. You never know, maybe Xenu is for you.