in my recent attempts to just be, live in the now and be happy, i have realized how hard those things really are for me. i have the horrible habit of daydreaming of past issues and projecting on the future the worst scenarios i know will never happen, but like to occupy my mind anyway. i do not understand this need my subconscious has to imagine heartbreak and disasters, but i do know that it is so much easier just to let my mind go on its little tangents instead of reigning it in to the present, which is usually problem, heartbreak and disaster-free. however, i have to keep trying to stop these mind-benders before they start because i think the paths my mind take are unhealthy and don't do me any good except to make me sad over something that hasn't happened and probably won't. (i mean, it would be different if i found out i was psychic or something and could start using my powers to save the world, but i'm pretty sure that's not going to happen.)
at the same time, i have also come to terms with just having a day to wallow, without it becoming a regular occurrence. tonight was just such an instance. sometimes just what i need is my bed, down comforter, eeyore and a playlist with sad, heart-wrenching, beautiful music. so, if any of you also like to indulge in these moments, here is a great list of artists to source for a pity-party soundtrack:
1. Counting Crows - whatever hits home for you can probably be found in one of their songs: Round Here, Colorblind, Long December
2. Tori Amos - no one does angsty music with a pounding piano line quite like tori amos: Little Earthquakes, Me and a Gun, China, Spark, and on and on and on.
3. Aqualung - my newest addition to the crew, something about beautiful piano and soft-spoken, slightly whiny british singers that does me in: Breaking My Heart, Good Times Gonna Come, Another Little Hole
4. Coldplay - definitely my favorite, and the absolute kings of heart-break (again with the piano): What If, The Scientist, Trouble, Warning Sign
5. Elliot Smith - a talented and tragic artist, if the first lines of "Miss Misery" don't hit somewhere in your heart ("i'll fake it through the day with some help of Johnnie Walker Red, send a poison rain down the drain to put back thoughts in my head"), you are the Grinch (i.e. your heart is 5 sizes too small), also "Someone I Used to Know" is worth checking out.
6. Radiohead - may beat Coldplay out for the depression-throne, ok probably does. if i didn't choreograph dances in my head to the music, i would explode from the need to feel it all: Talk Show Host, Exit Music, Creep, Let Down, Karma Police.
7. Fiona Apple - ranges from the beautiful sad to the angry sad, the addition of sttings in some songs hit home for me, to me the violins sound like a heart bleeding: Never is a Promise, I Know, Love Ridden
Some other favorites that you probably already know: "Why" -Annie Lennox, "Brick" -Ben Folds, "The Drugs Don't Work" -originally The Verve, but also check out Ben Harper's cover, "Good Morning Heartache" -Billie Holiday, "And So it Goes" -Billy Joel, "Tiny Vessels" -Death Cab ("you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me", ouch), "Mad World" -Gary Jules, "Me and My Charms" -Kristen Hersh (those strings again), "Hallelujah" -i'm partial to Rufus Wainwright's version, "Dust in the Wind" -Kansas, "Hurt" -the johnny cash cover of NIN